Whew!

Greeting and happy holidays! May this new year bring good fortune and wonderful memories to all!

As you might have guessed, this last month has been a whirlwind with continued ups and downs. I am beginning to think that "ups and downs" is the theme of our lives.

Up
We really, truly love our new house. Our good ju-ju instinct continues to not let us down. We have not looked back once on our old house - except when to comment on how much we don't miss the choppiness with stairs at every turn, and my dreadful commute. Our new house has so much room for the Kid to run around and large closets that he can claim as his "forts". I also love that my new commute is on a quieter road that is nestled against the foothills of the Rockies. I get to now marvel at the beauty of those majestic mountains instead of cursing the the 100+ red lights I seemed to hit each day.

The inside of our house needs a face lift, but as our first house project is underway (goodbye kitchen blue tulip wallpaper!), the potential is shining through.

Down
If anyone reads this and might have any control over a future sell/buy of a house, I beg you to follow my advise closely; Do not take on that endeavor 2 weeks before Christmas! Closing on a house in two weeks, packing, moving in snow, getting sick, and doing X-mas preparation all while working 40+ hours is anything but a picnic in the park. I am surprised that I was not carried out in a straight jacket, honestly. I did not take a deep breathe until Dec. 26th.

Up
Somehow I did pull off the Santa gig and the Kid gushed ecstatically over the loot left under the tree. The chest of costumes (that I heard Santa collected at consignment stores for the last several months) and the science experiments were the biggest hits.

Down
Adoption news. There has been a hold on ET adoptions. Bummer. None of the news that we are hearing was new news to me. I learned that this was brewing as I was doing my obsessive research, yet it would have to figure that the shit would have to hit the fan when we are like an inch away from referral. It basically comes downs to this: As doors close with more seasoned countries (China, for example), other doors open wide in newer, more inexperienced countries (Ethiopia, for example). Unfortunately, this also opens the door to predatory agencies. I call them this because they prey on the vulnerable (such as poor, starving families in dire situations) by offering them insensitive ($) to give up their children so that these slime ball agencies can make a nice profit. Hmmm... smells a lot like child trafficking to me. I don't use his word loosely, but here it goes. Bastards! What makes me more crazy than this practice is that it is these few people/situations give a bad wrap to all foreign adoptions and and the goodness of finding loving homes for those children that are legitimately orphaned.

Here's some quotes from our agency from an email that was sent out a few weeks ago to further shed light on the situation:

"In weeks past, we’ve shared that the major authorities governing adoptions from Ethiopia have been meeting to identify the pitfalls, discrepancies in adoption, unethical agencies/orphanages, and ways to limit the activity of certain agencies/orphanages in Ethiopia or possibly completely withdraw licenses. WACAP is always encouraged by these important conversations and see this as a positive step towards ensuring ethical adoptions. "

"At this time, much of what is being reported relates to the concern over unethical behaviors of orphanages and agencies who work in Ethiopia. It has become clear that as the number of children being adopted from Ethiopia has increased, unethical behaviors and distasteful operations have continued to take place. Clear abuses to the current system are now being exposed, which is leaving room for decisions to be made as to how to proceed."

Sadly, this email inspired some very real, un-Christmasy-cheer-like conversations between husband and I. We decided that this is it. We are at the end of our rope. If ET adoptions close, then our journey to our daughter will end. We have been beaten, battered, and bruised in our 4+ years adoption pursuit, and unless anyone has ever been through the process, it is hard to explain what it is like. The best I can describe it is like the feeling that this is going to be the month that your pregnancy test will show a positive, so you pee on the stick and pace with a nervous jitter for 5 minutes. We have been basically in that five minutes for 4 years. It is ridiculous. We are tired and 3.5 years older than we anticipated in bringing home a child. Our hearts would be a little broken forever, but I don't think we would have the energy to start from square one again. These thoughts/conversations definitely brought with it a Christmas downer.

But then....

Up (It sure is nice to end with an "up")

"Stop the rumors!" is what a poster to our WACAP board wrote while currently in ET getting to know her new little daughter. She said she felt no indication at all that adoptions were going to stop (with WACAP) and she even caught wind of some new referrals coming soon. To make a long story short and to fast forward from our downer conversations two weeks ago, we came to find out that yes, these meeting are taking place, but it will not impact our agency and our adoption. I am giving myself MAJOR high fives for picking the right agency, because apparently our agency has been asked to be a part of these meetings because of their high standing reputation for doing things in an ethical manner.

This does not mean that things will be hunky-dory from here on out, because this is international adoption after all, but this did help us relax for a minute. It would be naive to think that anyone should ever trust any agency/process 100% with international adoption, but when it is done right, it is a wonderful thing for both child and family. I have a good instinct with our agency, and as it has been proven time and time again, my instincts do not fail me.

To close this post, I am adding a few more comments from a recent WACAP email.

"Ethics in adoption are an issue that we take extremely seriously. We:

1. Believe that adoption is a last resort and that children should remain in their birth families if possible.

2. Only work with orphanages who work directly with the Ethiopian government for the approval of children in need.

3. Only work with orphanages who have proven records of attempts at family preservation (keeping the child with their family through sponsorship, medical aid and other support).

4. Do not pay staff or partners salaries, fees or bonuses on a “per child” basis.

5. Provide a good deal of humanitarian aid that focuses on ways to prevent the overwhelming need for adoption (sponsorship, kinship programs, apprenticeship programs, medical aid).

In addition, WACAP’s staff in Ethiopia are actively involved in the Ethiopian Network of adoption agencies, and our U.S. staff participate in standards of practice with JCICS, Hague, COA, etc. WACAP cannot control the actions and behaviors of other agencies, but we can direct our process and our work within Ethiopia. As you know, our focus is to serve true orphans. Our commitment is unwavering to the children we serve and to your family."

Housing update (update at end)

Since my last post, it has been a month of ups and downs. We started by looking at rentals and were very disappointed. To get into something clean, comfortable, and in a nice neighborhood, we would have to have paid what we currently pay for mortgage. This was unfortunate as we had this dream of saving tons of money. Even though nobody can really predict what the housing market is going to do, the current prediction is that housing prices will still drop while interested rates rise. With this said, we felt that is really made no sense in renting to save in costs - in fact it could cost more with the two moves. Finally, the thought of two moves this next year - with a new baby - was not sitting well with me. Not at all.

The house hunt then started at full speed, resulting in my obsession with the MLS. There is not a lot out there currently (holidays and all), but, as it often works out, we kept getting drawn back to the first one we looked at. We went back to see it four times, to be exact. It's an estate sale, and it is apparent that the sweet couple that lived there took a lot of pride in their home. Even though it currently has about 50/50 what we want, we love the layout, natural light, nice neighborhood (former "country club estates"...oo-la-la ), mountain views, and great bones. The two things I keep imagining with this house is the room for the kids to run around and the location for the hot tub for optimal mountain views. The downside is that it needs a face lift inside and out, but we figure that will come with time. There is nothing that we can't live with now, so when we get more money, we can make it super cool to our taste. It also has small bedrooms, which honestly was my greatest negative, but the footage is made up in the family living areas, so I am thinking (hoping) that this will be worth the trade-off.

The best news is that it is between our schools, the lot is twice our size, and we talked them waaay down in price. Our mortgage will now be a whopping $3.oo dollars greater! They also are willing to close the day we close, which means we have two weeks from now to be out... and in. I am taking a break from packing to write this, so I better get back to it. Pictures to come!

Update: Just spent 2 hours at our new home and fell in love with it! The inspection passed with flying colors. The inspector's first words were, "This is a cool house! I used to re-do houses in this era and would have had a lot of fun with this layout". That made us feel good. Jaden also loved his new room and was already running the route (can run a circle route through the rooms) just as I had imagined. :) My instincts did not fail me on this one!

Our house fiasco is nearing a close!

We finally sold our house! Woo-Hoo!

Moving to Utah 4 years ago, we were desperate to jump on a house ASAP with a reasonable price tag and in a good neighborhood. This was just before the peak of the market with high interest rates. We pretty much regretted it immediately. It is a cute house, but one of those annoying stacked split levels. Our two little bedrooms are on the top floor where we share a teeny-tiny bathroom. The 3rd bedroom and bathroom (in the laundry room) is in the basement - 3 levels down. This plan makes ZERO sense for a family. Last but not least, it is way out in the burbs - at least 30 minutes from work, friends, and family. This is not good for me - one who despises driving!

We have had it on the market, on and off again, for almost two years with no luck. Just as our crazy life goes, we were just about ready to take it off the market again because we're getting close to referral, and then we finally get an offer!

The good news is that if the sale goes through (contingent on inspection..... keep fingers and toes crossed!), we will finally be out and able to get into a house that we want to raise our family in. The bad news is that because we are almost breaking even (thankfully not a short sale - whew!), we won't have much money for a down, so we will need to rent for a while to build back up our savings. At first, the idea of renting made my stomach turn, but we realistically think it is a smart move. There is actually a good selection out there of much larger, nicer homes in better neighborhoods to rent for less than what our mortgage payments are now, so we can build our savings while living a decent home. Homes prices are also predicted to still drop in the next year, so we might get even a better deal on a house to purchase by waiting.

I would just like to add that we now believe that people who say that house ownership is the way to go are full of bologna. It has been nothing but a financial disaster for us! Granted, we bought and sold at a really bad time, but still, just sayin'.

Here's how it goes....

I am starting to FREAK OUT! I got the famous "first email" from my case manager from WACAP. This is the first of many to come that basically tells you to gear up because things are going to start coming at us really fast. YEEEKS!

Many of you have been asking what it all means when I say, "referral" and "matched", so here's a re-cap:

1. It is estimated that we will get a referral (or matched) with a child around December (give or take a month). We don't know who she is now, but at that time, I will get a call from WACAP saying that we have been matched and they will be sending the picture and child's information via email.

(If you can only imagine.... when we are next to be matched, I will be carrying my phone around like a delicate flower, then most most likely leap with super human strength to the computer when I get "the call")

2. We will have a few weeks to go over the medical information with a doctor and then officially accept the referral.

3. When we officially accept the referral, a court date will be set in Ethiopia for the adoption. That date is usually set 3-6 weeks after referral acceptance. Husband and I will fly out for that and stay about 7-10 days in Addis Ababa.

4. We'll come home (leaving her there... boo-hoo) for about 3-4 weeks until our embassy appointment date back in Ethiopia. I will fly back for that, take her from the orphanage to the guest house to start the bounding for a few days, then fly her home forever!

Date Night

As much as we are anticipating our new little addition and our new chapter in life, I am savoring the times that it is just the Kid and I. That time that I can just revel in his wonderfulness and give him my undivided attention. This was taken just before our "date night" of going our for spaghetti and a play. I think he is just such a handsome little guy and he melts my heart every day.

5 (part ll)

I have always thought that 5 is a lucky number and it is now proving true!

We have been on the waitlist 5 months

There were 5 referrals this week.

Found out that we are now #5 to be matched for a baby girl!

If my estimations are correct (with a little luck sprinkled in there), I will be in ET for the adoption court - or better yet - picking up our babe in 5 months.

WOOT-WOOT!

5

Was is not just yesterday that I typed "4 months"? And now, just a few hours later I am typing 5 months? Wowza!

Surely time flying might be attributed to... putting our house on market, deciding to carpet the entire house at once - meant moving everything out then everything back in, having my back act up - resulting in weekly trips to PT, arranging a camping trip with four other families down to Arches, Husband working late with coaching, taking care of a sick child, and last but not least, working 40+ hours a week. Not sure, but thinking that this whirlwind month just might have something to do with flying time.

I sometimes think (hope) (desperately hope) that life will calm down when we get our babe, but then again, I am not sure. The idea of factoring a baby into the month that we just had is, well, mind boggling. I am still bouncing back and forth with the debate of full time vrs half. We will sacrifice greatly financially by cutting my salary in half - with a great chance of inching into debt - but most of mom friends are telling me that it will be worth it for a few years while my little ones are still small. And reflecting on last month, going part time is almost a need if we are to fully experience the wonderfulness of our children and family (sans the busy stress). I am thinking they are right, and my thoughts are right, and leaning in the part time direction. Ho-hum. The plight of the working mom who just wants to be the best mom she can be - all the while making sure to keep her family afloat. Thinking men don't have this mind debate as often. ?

I am now enjoying a 4 day weekend. Today I sent the Kid to school while I had a "Me" day. I am keeping him home tomorrow for a "Kid and Me" day. Just the two of us are spending the weekend together alone downtown at my parent's house. My parents are on vacation and Husband is staying behind doing house projects (we live about 30 minutes out in the blucky burbs ... oh, how I miss city life!). I figure that I should appreciate the last few times that it might just be the Kid and I flying solo. We always seem to build great memories when we have these times. Granted, it is always fun with the whole family, but just a different kind of fun when it is the two of us. When we are together, we are increasingly spending more talking about "Baby Sister". The kid shows nothing but excitement. One day he will shrivel up with embarrassment to know that I revealed this to bloggerland, but he has a baby doll. A little black baby doll that he got to "practice" on. He dresses her, feeds her, sings to her, and tucks her in. He is just that kind of great kid and will make even a greater brother.

VIdeo Clip

This is an area just outside of Addis. Even though it is heartbreaking to see, I do like to find these clips. Not only does it give me some insight as to the hardships many Ethiopians face, but it is educating me on various humanitarian projects out there.

http://vimeo.com/13771428

There is another clip is on PBS.org which is my favorite. Not sure how long PBS will have it featured on their website, but it will be worth your time to check it out.

Go to www.PBS.org , click on "videos to watch", then "NOVA", then "A Walk to beautiful".

The Stuff of The Kid's mouth

Tim's friend, Andy, mentioned yesterday that I should start a blog dedicated to my 4 yr old son and the things he says. He is right. The Kid has the most mind boggling stuff come out of his mouth and I know that I will regret not writing these things down one day. My son's imagination does not lack and I often ponder what is conspiring in his mind. I will not be surprised if he is a writer or an actor one day with his dramatics (and not the "Earth Scientist" that he is determined to be - so that he can go dig up mummies and bring them home to re-bury in our yard).

Here's his most recent noteables:

1) The Kid's music teacher started singing a song (or playing an instrument?). The class was standing around listening when all the sudden, the Kid just dropped to the floor and laid motionless. Looking so authentic, the music teacher ran across the room to his aide. When he got down to Kid's level, Kid opened his eyes, cracked a weak smile, then feebly said, "I just faint when I hear beautiful music".

2) "Mom, when we get "baby sister", will she get food from your boob?" (No - from a bottle). "Oh, sorry, I guess I must have drank it all up."

3) The Kid was looking at pictures of us dancing at our wedding. "Mom, I think that dad must have danced so hard with you at your wedding that he shook you up so bad that my egg cracked in your belly, and then I came out."

4) "Teachers, I won't be kissing any girls (in the class) until I get married." (as in.... have no worries, teachers, I won't be on the prowl just yet. The girls are safe for now.)

5) The Kid and I stopped for ice cream and he asked if we were on a date. I said yes, so he said, "Well then, you look like a princess, smell like a flower, and your are really not THAT fat."

6) Just today we were at the pet store buying two African dwarf frogs. The lady at the counter said, "Are those your frogs?" and Kid responded matter-of fact, "Yes, they are my little sweethearts."

7) After the Kid got a time-out (I think that mischief comes hand-in-hand with his active mind), he came downstairs, looked me directly in the eyes, and said, "Does it make you happy, mom, that you make me so sad? Does it not make you feel bad at all that you hurt my feelings SO much that I even cry when you put me on time-outs?"

8) We revealed his newly painted and decorated room. I had visions of him standing awe struck, hugging us, and crying out exclamations of complete and utter joy. Instead, it played out like this: When we opened the door, his jaw dropped, he stood in shock for about 30 seconds (So far, so good!), then declares, "I hate it! Paint it back! Paint it back! You have RUINED...MY...LIFE!" We then had to tackle him for the next hour as every little 33 pound fiber of his body was determined to get his tooth brush so that he could scrub off the new paint.

9) "Mom, instead of chores (because they are apparently "just too hard" for him to do), I want you to get lots of apples today so that I can eat them, make my teeth loose, pull them out, put them under my pillow, get the money from the Tooth Fairy, so I can go and buy all the cars from Josh. (He is our neighbor that has a good gig going with The Kid by selling him his junky Match Box cars for $1.00 a piece). "But mom, I do have a question. If I do accidentally swallow a tooth when eating an apple, won't it hurt my pipes (intestine) as it goes down my body and then how will YOU get it out of my poop for the Tooth Fairy?"

10) The teacher asked the class if they could name a word that starts with "B". Kid raises his hand and said, "Beer". The teacher then said, "Don't you mean bear" Kid said, "No, beer... the stuff that big people drink."

11) Because life is more nutty than usual, I have been a little absent minded.... to put it kindly. The other day after I had tried in vain to get the key in to open a car that was not ours - and would have probably stood there cursing at the broken lock for hours until the kid corrected me, he said, "Mom, I think when you went to the bathroom, you peed out your brain and then flushed it down the toilet."

11) Here is my favorite! The other day he stopped, leaned against the counter, sighed while putting his hand on his head and looking up to the sky, and said, "Mom, I just LOVE my life". :)

4

4 (four) Is a number, numeral, and glyph. It folows 3 and proceeds 5. It's the smallest composite number, proper divisors being 1 and 2. Four is also a highly composite number. Four is the second square number and second centered triangle number. The prime factorization is 2 x 2. It is a Motskin number. Four is soon to be the number of humans that reside under the Pettus household roof.

But most importantly.... we have now been on the waitlist for FOUR months!

We get it!

Just to get this out there.... we understand that there are risks in adopting a child from Ethiopia; blood work is not always accurate - including the extremely remote risk of a false negative HIV test, there could be attachment problem concerns (though not as likely with an infant), potential developmental delays from malnutrition, the possibility of post adoption depression for the parent, and the all encompassing idea of adopting someones else's gene pool - which might be jam packed with cognitive delays and/or mental illnesses.

We get it. We have thought about this. A lot. And then after we have thought about it a lot, we think about it some more. We've questioned our capabilities to handle what might come our way, the effect it might have on the Kid, and even the treatment options if... God forbid... our child is Hep C, HIV, Sickle Cell, TB positive, or have psychological trauma.

And how do we feel about this? Scared, anxious, and thrilled! We have concluded that we can take anything that comes our way because she will be family. She already is family. We have let this little stranger into our hearts long ago and feel that there is no going back. If she does come with many challenges, we will never have regrets and love her all the same.

Changing our adoption plan is also not an option at this point. Before we picked ET, we investigated other countries (including our own), and found that there were equal amount of risks across the board, just came about in different ways.

So, this is getting it out to the universe and especially to those who make sure we are always up-to-date on all of adoption horror stories - we hear you. We hear about them. It is scary as hell, but regardless, these stories are not changing our mind and we are going forward. Spending a lot of time dredging up the bad rather than talking about the good is not helpful.

Here is another way to look at it. I am sure most would be very happy and supportive if we were trying to conceive. If that were still possible, I am positive we would still be trying throughout this year, even though conceiving a child at my age comparatively comes with just as many risks (genetic, birth defects, preemie, etc).

Miss M

I'll never forget this day.

Last winter, my co-teacher (Mr. G) and I were taking attendance in our 10th grade co-taught World Civilization class. As my mind should have been on lesson plans and IEP meetings, it was not. My thoughts back then were all about that crazy transitional time of switching from Taiwan to Ethiopia. I had just sent our agency application off a few days before, so all I could think about was, "Oh my God, was that the right choice? And Ethiopia of all places? What? Why? How?"

Shortly after attendance, the door opened and in walked one of the most beautiful girls that I had ever seen. She was followed by a counselor and an adult man. Mr. G and I were pulled aside and informed that this was Miss M, she was just adopted and brought here from Ethiopia the week prior, and because she was so terrified, her adopted dad was going to sit in by her for this first class.

(Insert: Yes... you fate believers, even though my ever evolving spirituality is typically sitting on the fence, if there ever was an example of a "God send intervention", I agree that this would have to be it. I mean, I just sent off my application that very week that this girl stepped into my life? What the....?)

The poor thing did look so terrified, I seriously wanted to cry for her. In a class of about 42 kids, I am sure all she saw was a sea of white, intimidating, English speaking, upper class teens (though there were about 5 other ethnicities - including 2 African American and one student that had recently immigrated from Africa).

After class I swiftly pulled her (and her dad) aside, introduced myself, and offered to be with her the rest of the day. From then on, Miss M. and I have built a wonderfully unique teacher/student relationship as we are both equal teacher and learner. Because the classes that I co-teach in are generally modified for struggling learners, she has been scheduled into many of them so that I can help with language development. For me, her cultural lessons have been simply invaluable. For her, I believe that she just needed that person (outside of her awesome adoptive family) to listen to her stories of ET, her experience of adoption at age 15, and the process of assimilating into a new culture.

Husband was even pulled into this unique relationship simply by being the person I would come home to share with.

"Guess was Miss M shared with me today? She pulled up her pant leg and started pointing out her scars. Each scar represented a story of hardship and neglect that accompanied her life as a child of the streets in Addis Ababa."

"Did you know that Miss M was selling toilet paper on the streets from age 4 until she was picked up at age 9 (literally - by a van) for an educational sponsorship program? Apparently, she was a lucky one!"

She is remarkable in many, many ways. She is insightful, compassionate, resilient, very bright, and determined. She has found a new friend. She's another beautiful girl that recently immigrated here from Somalia. Not only does this girl face the challenge of being a refugee, but she is also deaf (she is part of the integrated school for the deaf). Just to make a hard situation harder, she started the school last year pregnant (and now raising her baby). I've been watching them develop this relationship through what seems a mutual, unspoken understanding between the two of them; sort of like an, "I just get it - I get you and you get me." We made sure to get Miss M into a signing class. She is now not only learning English but also ASL so that she can communicate with her new friend. Just another reason that this girl impresses the pants off of me!

Her story would take me all day to write about (and I have encouraged HER to write her story). Even though she most likely views me as a nice teacher/advocate that has been kind enough to listen, I am sure she does not realize how much I look forward to her waiting by my door in the mornings. She waits so that she can keep me updated on the current events of her life - all of which are a lesson for myself.

Today when she stopped by my room, I mustered up the courage to ask her a question that I had not felt comfortable asking until this day. I told her that my heart was feeling heavy lately with wondering if our daughter will one day show resentment to us for taking her from her birth country - or people that look like her - and raising her in a community that is primarily white. I wanted her opinion on this.

Miss M gave me a very mature, to-the-point response. She told me that it is natural and good to think about this, but to not think too much about it because even though this might cross our daughter's mind eventually, she (Miss M) knows that we will be great parents and that our daughter will really never truly understand what her life would have been like. Miss M felt like she was a kid that, like all the other kids she knew in ET, was loved by her immidaite family, but not cared for by anyone else - such as the government. The hardships she faced as a young girl (hunger, neglect, child labor, abuse, discrimination as a female, minimal educational opportunities) was not right and that if she would have stayed there, her future would have been bleak at best. She feels that she had it better than most because the rural girls (the ones carrying water for hours each day) have it much worse. Even though she is very homesick, she said that she would never question or feel remorse and anger for her adoption - only gratitude to her adoptive family for giving her such an opportunity.

I walked away from that conversation feeling better and humbled. Do I feel better about the fact that we are adopting a girl? Yes, I do. Do I now feel like I am "saving" a child from those conditions? No, not really. I still feel that selfish twinge in that she is saving us more. But I do feel a desire, more than ever, to give back to that country for what she is going to give us; sponsorship, humanitarian trips, etc. Is my ego big enough to think that my altruistic motivation of Husband and I together changing a country in ways that adoption will no longer be needed? Certainly not! But at least I hope that we can make a teeny tiny, itty bitty difference for a few people.

I am closing this post with a huge "Thank You!" to Miss M and the hope that our friendship - and even new relationship with our daughter (Miss M being a role model perhaps?) - can carry over for years to follow.

Introducing my boys

Here is the Kid. And yes, he really is THAT cute. Is it possible to love him more? I think not. Those dimples are real. I promise. I know this because I must kiss them 100 times a day.
I think he gets his good looks from his dad. Could I love them both any more? I would think not, but come to think of it, I do just a little more each day.

Thank you, friends

**Note: There is a funny yellow highlighted section in this blog. I have NO idea what it is or how it got there, so don't pay much attention.


Husband and I often comment to each other just how how fortunate we are to have friends that have been so supportive during our adoption journey. They may not understand why we are adopting and why Ethiopia, or they might not even agree with it all, but what matters to us is that they have created an environment in which Husband and I can safely and openly talk about our adoption - including our joys and fears. They have not let their personal opinions stand in the way (or even particularly voiced them), rather they've accept that we are doing this because it is what we want and that they are going to make this journey beside us as our support system. All we can say from the bottom of our heart is, "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Because there are 100+ people to thank (and we appreciate you all!), for the sake of blog space, I am just going to highlight a few that have offered words that have profoundly touched us and have either helped us make pivotal decisions or totally boosted our confidence. In all seriousness, I am highly doubtful that we would be so close to having our daughter if it were not for you all.

Erica (Ben): She was the first friend that I talked to after that life changing day that I googled ET adoption for the first time. They are great friends. Great enough, in fact, that it was around this time last year that we were entertaining their offer to be our surrogate parents. Beyond amazing, I know. Erica has spent extensive time in Africa, so I will also be seeking her guidance in our travels. Her words that remain with me are, "You'll see, this child will be a gift and enrich the lives of people surrounding you in ways you do not understand yet."


Courtney: The best friend one could ever dream of! There is not one conversation in general - just everything she says is absolutely the right thing and I have always felt better after talking to her. And even after that, I can often count on a card in the mail a few days later with words of encouragement.

"Book club" gals: Even though we don't get together often and don't dedicate the time we have to adoption talk, knowing I have an enthusiastic "audience" to share big news with has been priceless. Becca, Merideth, and Erica, thanks so much for sharing in my first local ET dining experience! In particular, thank you so much, Becca, for your enthusiasm and being our girl clothes collector.

Jonah: She has been such a great support, willing to listen, and letting me learn from her knowledge. The Kid loves all of the cool African books, too! She is also one to say, "I couldn't do it again at our age....", but still doesn't try to discourage - rather encourage - us for the fact that we are. That is huge to me. Thanks!

Kristen: Despite the hell she has experienced this last year with her health, she has unselfishly always started the conversation by, "How is the adoption going?" One day she started crying when I was taking about the experience I anticipate when I get to hold her and then bring her home. I then went home and cried. The sincerity of that moment was one that won't leave me. Oh, and she was also the first one to donate some girl clothes early in the process and that sea of pink totally helped me get into "girl mode"!

Cori: I love her insight because there are so many things similar - such as our ages and the spacing of our children, and the difficulties we've faced to get them. I was freaking out about the stress of "age + baby = zero confidence", and that when I've shared this with others, I've recieved feedback of discouraged in continuing with our adoption. She basically told me nonsense and then proceeded to tell me about how she was feeling this way when pregnant with #2 (at age 40), but that much of my (our) physical effects are from the stress of the "what if... when... who will she be.... will this happen.... how can we...?" and that the stress of a new baby won't be in addition to what I feel now - rather the "what if" stress will be gone and replaced by the normal sleepless nights of the baby rearing kind. "Your family will be complete and that will be HUGE on the psyche." I thank her for helping me see it that way because she was so right and I feel much better.

Work friends (especially Kelli, Awbree, & Julia): They were with me at work 7 hours a day for those few months when my mind was literally numb during the transition from Taiwan to Ethiopia. My emotions were also in flux because I was experiencing the loss of my dear grandfather and a friend during that time. Even though they may not of understood the internal immensity of it all, that was one of the most pivotal times of my life. The support they gave me literally got me through the days and kept me looking forward!

Beckie: Okay, she is totally going to laugh if she ever reads this because we are old high school buddies that have since only talked about three times this year when I have either emailed or stopped by her shop for cupcakes (http://www.twoqueenbeesconfiserie.blogspot.com/ .. please check it out people.... wonderful store). Regardless, they have built a mixed race family through adoption and not only was she willing to share her personal experience, but she gave me a contact to another woman that I emailed. If I had not talked with Beckie and gained the insight I did, I highly doubt we would have started looking into ET.

Miss M. : I look forward to highlighting her in a future post, but she is a remarkable student that literally walked into my classroom the week we were (terrifyingly) submitting our ET adoption. At 15, she had just been adopted from ET. We had this instant bond and have both loved learning from each other (equally teachers in different ways). She is also going to be my hair coach. :)

My new (daily) debate

Here's the newest debate(s) swimming in my mind and I bet taking up way too much brain space.

Debate #1:
Why must I always think I need to have all things figured out for years in advance and not just have more of a "wait and see" attitude? Is it because I am a smart planner? Is it because I am just darn right silly?

Debate #2:
Did I really just consider stopping at that pink stucco house adorned with Roman style pillars and a flashy neon sign that read, "Psychic Readings" to have someone just straight up tell me how it is going to play out, therefore, guide my decision making process in the now. Am I really that desperate a control freak? Or maybe there is something to that crystal ball thing?

Debate #3:
For reasons too many to explain, and for the fact that I actually care about my job and people I work with, I need to make the decision tomorrow (really, I have 6 months, but might as well be 6 minutes in my mind) as to what my future employment is going to look like. Here's the debate:

a) Should I secure my current teaching job that I really like by taking a one year's leave (granted, if the district allows) for this next school year so that I may spend quality bonding time with our baby, then go back to my 1.0 position the following year? I have never really liked my former job(s) in my 15+ yr. career, so since the reality is that my .5 teaching hiatus (has been the intention to cut my hours from the get-go) will be temporary, is it worth it in the long run to be at this great school that is a close commute, great staff, and even greater kids to have only one full year (instead of three .5 time years) to be home with our new baby?

Or.....

b) Should I take an available .5 position at my current school next year (the current .5 resource teacher would like my 1.0 position, so we would basically switch positions) and work .5 as long as our budget will allow. Based on our calculations and the fact that I make more than Husband, we estimate that this could be 2 ... maybe 3 years at best. Then when I need to go back full time, I'll have to take a position at a new school with a 5/7 chance it will be at a much farther distance (up to 50 minutes one way) with a tougher population. I feel pretty confident that a 1.o resource teaching position will not open back up at my school for many, many years once I leave because my future replacement is already eager to permanently take the job.

Is this just clear as mud? Let me just try to further explain, then.

All along, we have been banking on me going part time and I (we) have been literally giddy with this prospect because it will be an alternate, full day schedule (two days one week and three days the next - peeeerfect!). The fact that I could actually take a break in life to have the time and energy to make sure the house is clean each night, cook healthy meals, spend quality time raising our daughter and son, be able to pick my son up from school (and not extended day), go to school functions, volunteer at his school, feeling generally balanced in my life, and the opportunity to exercise and not be literally exhausted at night just makes my heart happy. Hitting (more like crashing) into 40, and having our tornado and new baby together just sounds like an terrifically tiring combination and I am positively sure than since I already feel this way now, I KNOW I will very much regret that I won't be the parent I want if I don't take some type of hour reduction. I'll still be a good mom - just not the great one I've always wanted to be.

But then again, going back to work last week and not bawling the entire drive to work (for the first time ever) spoke volumes and I've already found myself regretful that, after a few years when I look for full time work again, I won't be coming back. This is the kind of school I would like to retire from. I also have to remind myself that we did make it work with the Kid working full time. In fact, he blossomed with the situation, so maybe we could muster the strength to do it with #2? We lucked out to find a very loving caretaker and the fact that our kids can start at Husband's school at age three is ideal. Even though I have regretted missing out on all the mom and kid time, I am so relieved that he has never complained and is one of the happiest kids I know. And mind you, however, I would only even consider doing this full time thing with #2 if we got a house keeper and yard maintenance. Standing firm on this one.

But then again, maybe something better will come up in the few years if I stick with the .5 plan .... like actually getting to use my MA in counseling for that near impossible to find counseling job? How much would it suck to just take the one year's leave to then not even go back to my school!

But then again, what if Tim gets more work/coaching (or God forbid, an actual fat raise) and we can swing it for me to work .5 for like, FOREVER, and then I can stay at my dream job? I then might as well go around twirling on my toes with the "Hallelujah" song booming down from the heavens because I think I really could not be happier with a situation!

But then again, yada, yada yada

But then again, blah, blah, blah

(3 hours later)

But then again, will our cat be happier if I am able to spend more time with her and might this prevent her massive hairballs if I do have the time to brush her more than once a year?

OK, Me, just breathe. Ommmm.............

Should I stay or should I go?

It is looking like it is a pretty consistent time span of 5 weeks between our court hearing and embassy date. The plan has always been for Tim and I to fly to ET for a week for the court hearing where we will officially adopt our daughter. We would then return her to the orphanage (actually the WACAP house, which is sort of like a halfway house between orphanage and home), say our good-byes, then fly back to the states to go on with life for a month. At that time, most likely only I will fly back for the embassy date and to bring our daughter home.

Yes, it sounds crazy, but since ET recently mandated the two trip rule (this is a GOOD thing because as it was before, the adoption was completed without meeting the child and parents were required to to just fly out once to meet their already adopted child, stop by the embassy, then head home) it has been set up this way and parents are already finding it to be not as bad as they thought in regards to leaving their little one(s) behind because they feel they are well taken care of and loved at the WACAP house.

But still......

I keep thinking about this future time when we get to hold this little baby in our arms, falling in love with her, feeling our maternal instincts meter rise rapidly, then laying her down in a little bed beside the care of a nanny that oversees 3-5 other babies, then just fly away. We will come home, go back to work, and carry on for a month like nothing has happened ..... like we didn't just really leave our baby daughter hanging out in one of the most impoverished countries across the globe.

Yuck. But still......

I have my baby here in the states, too. The Kid. Even though I sometimes yearn to have a little break from his energy, the thought of being away from him for 5-6 weeks (or even 5-6 days) wrenches at my gut. Besides, the guest house that we intend to stay at is $60.00/night. That would be an outrageous amount to consider.

The other day after reading some stories of those who have or are anticipating staying in ET for the duration, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Realistically, the price of a 2nd ticket would be as much as the total bill of a month's lodging and I could also start my 3 month maternity leave when we fly off for the court hearing. If I did this, and after our court hearing for adoption, she would be mine. This means that if I am there, I can't just drop her back off at the orphanage at my convenience for a few hours so that I can go and kick it with a cuppa jo and the paper. Nope. She would be officially mine and her and I would be a solo team at the guest house for that 5 weeks until embassy - and when I say "at the guest house", that is literally what I mean. It has been suggested that it is not the wisest idea to just go gallivanting the streets of Addis Ababa with an ET baby strapped to our chest. Because Ethiopians are a strong yet tender people, the thought of adopting out their own is very, very difficult. Being a white privileged female flaunting that I am there to adopt and "save" one of their own can hit a sensitive nerve - and frankly, I feel sensitive to their sensitivity.

I hear that the Guest House is pretty nice, though. There are many other adopting families from around the globe recycling through. There is a nice staff with a nice courtyard to hang out on. There is a driver on call to take me around if need be. It could be a possibility.

Regardless.....

I dismissed it as just a fleeting thought. Ha! Leave my son for that long? Blasphemous! And surely Husband would never agree. In fact, I tucked this thought in the back of my mind for several days until one day I randomly brought it up as a tag-on to another topic while doing dishes. To my surprise, I found Husband halted in his step and looking at me with a jaw dropped expression.

"I think that sounds like a great idea!"

Huh?

We then proceed to bring up the positive points in that this could be like a "bonding boot camp" and it would most likely be an easier transition for our baby as she will still be entwined in the senses of ET (smells, visions, sounds, etc) all the while getting to know me. The point was stressed as how else could I really soak in a culture than living there for a stint and that this could lead to an invaluable experiences to share with our daughter one day. I also derived the thought that, if possible, I could find a nanny and get away for a bit to do a small volunteer opportunity (likey-like this thought!). Husband said that with a little support from the in-laws, he feels completely confident that he can wrangle our little tornado for that long. I told him that I am scared that I don't have the strength to manage a new baby, and on my own, and in such close quarters of the guest house, and on my own, and in a third world country, and on my own, and what if one of us gets sick, and on my own, and I would miss the Kid, and did I make it clear that this would be ON MY OWN?

He then reminded me that once, when I was naive young woman, I backpacked through Europe and then, just over ten years ago, I like lived in one of the most remote places in the world (Papua New Guinea - Peace Corps ) where I survived being chased by a cassowary, mutant sized bugs, mice gnawing their way into my mosquito net at night to snatch the ear plugs that were in my ears to drown out the sound of mice gnawing through my net, a cyclone, and terrifying bush plane crash landing. Even though the events of the last 5 years have rattled my nerves some, he knows that that type of strength is still in there. He's probably right.

So, not sure where this leaves me. I was changing my mind minute to minute and making myself nuts for a while, so instead I have decided to just occasionally stew on it in the upcoming months while continuing to read other experiences and even (hopefully) talking to others who tried this route.

Words

My emotional adoption journey has been like the changing tides. The water comes in and I am high with excitement and anticipation. Other days - like the low tide - those elated feelings get pulled away leaving me feeling nervous and very scared of the "what ifs".

Sometimes late at night, I spend waaaay too many hours reading blogs from other ET adopters. The majority of them are full of happy stories with pictures of adorable kids. Their stories are like those that are made of rainbows and unicorns. I am thankful they are out there. They can't help but suck me into the excitement and affirmation for this wacky quest that we have found ourselves in. And then there are those others; the blogs written by women/mothers who write from the depths of their souls. They reveal their inner most struggles and thoughts so that we may all learn from them, and OK... I'll say it ... freak out a little.

Husband thinks I am nuts for even reading these at all, and when I do, my tendency to skip over all the mushy blogs and go right to the hard core. The ones that after reading make me put down the computer, stagger into Husband's arms, cup his cheeks in my hands so that he is forced to look into my fear stricken, tear swelling eyes as I clearly articulate, "What in the HELL are we doing?"

Despite this, I don't think I am nuts (well, not entirely). If anyone knows me, they know that I have that kind of mentality; I just leap right over best case scenario and land in the worst case puddle so that I can splash around there for a while. I'm kind of like one of those glass half empty type of gals, so in honor of my depleted glass, I love the fact that those blogs are out there. I almost try to mentally put myself into the blogger's shoes so I can test myself to see if I can hack it. After all, the stuff of attachment (or lack of) and grief are heavy and are all real possibilities when adopting a child - especially babies and children that are older than newborns from other countries.

I confess that I did (and still do a little) feel drawn to adopt a toddler (up to age 3) because there would not be the 2:00 am bottles, closer to the Kid's age, and the fact that there is more of a need for adoption of older kids. The Husband, however, is adamant that an infant is the best for him and us. He stands firm and has never wavered from this in the 4 years that we have been on our wacky adoption (nightmare) quest. Reflecting on our current places in life with the Kid and all, I do have to mostly agree with him.

I really am getting to the point as to why I just jumped from reading heavy blogs to age request (rather than just boring you from my 2:00 am typing spew), and here it is....

One of the beautifully raw blogs I love to read is http://zehlahlum.blogspot.com/. I really like the name as "Zehlahlum" means "Forever" in Amharic (one of the primary languages in ET). I have no idea who the author is of this blog because she is also careful to keep her family names private, but I feel she speaks my words that I often have a hard time verbalizing. They adopted a toddler several months ago and she has documented the struggles she and her family have faced forming attachment with their wonderful yet strong willed daughter who is resisting the trust and love that they so desperately want to give.

The other day I read one of her travel logs that she journaled regarding her thoughts, feelings, and experiences of traveling to ET to adopt her daughter and meeting the birth mother. Lately I have been thinking a lot about the birth mother, too. I am pretty sure that our daughter is now in someone's womb or has been born, and I assume that, being a mother myself, our future child's mother's heart is now very conflicted and hurting with the decision she most likely knows that lays ahead (or has already made). My heart is breaking for her. It also weighs heavy in thoughts that my daughter will not get to grow up in beautiful ET.

When I talk with husband about this, he sees it from more of a black and white perspective. He says that she will be put up for adoption due to circumstance we can not control and someone is going to adopt her and it will be lucky for her that it will be us who will because we'll give her a great life - unlike the hardship she most likely would have faced growing up as a female in ET. Wish I could think like him.... but not I. I am allllll gray and then some.

I emailed the Zelhalhum author to ask if I could quote her from one of her logs, though I did not hear back. Surely her hands are full with her "Little Miss" and has much more important things to do then respond to me (like working on getting her daughter to stop head butting her then spitting in her face), so I am hoping that she does not mind my quote, as I do so with respectful credit to her experience. Her description reads completely true to how I am feeling now and what I think I will feel when I am there. Actually, I probably won't feel this doom and gloom all of the time, but am pretty sure I will feel this a lot.

I copied this from her description of looking out the window of the bus she was taking in route to meet her daughter's birth mother.

"These people are just living their lives. A life that I am sorry to have taken away from my daughter. They are not sitting around their huts waiting to be rescued by America. They don't need that. Yes, there is need for some change, but it needs to be done carefully and with respect. They need support-- yes, but saved? No! I know it's not my fault that Little Miss can't stay here. I haven't caused her adoption and if we weren't adopting her someone else would be, but there's no denying the loss in adoption. Her first mother lost Little Miss. Little Miss lost her first mother. Ethiopia lost Little Miss. Little Miss loses Ethiopia. Adoption is just wrapped around and around loss until we can put a glossy photo on it and tie it with a bow. And somehow I am the one who benefits. I gain a daughter. It feels presumptuous and unfair, but wonderful. For me, just for me though."

Three

It has been 3 months since we were logged in (or basically put on a list) to be matched with our daughter. Thankfully, it has gone by faster than expected, no doubt because there has been a flurry of activity. Husband and I are pretty lucky to have found each other because we both are teachers + we both have summer vacations = we have the opportunity to create some pretty awesome family memories. Let me just stop here to step back and clarify what I just said because Husband will surely object and want me to say the REAL truth, which is that we actually met when I was a teacher and he was tennis pro and I "strongly encouraged the idea" of being a teacher with the "hint...hint...(wink)" that it would make a great relationship duo. Fast forward 10 years and he can't deny that he made the best choice in going the teacher route... and then marrying me, of course.

These last three months primarily fell over our summer vacation and we did anything but sit around (with the exception of my "three whole days!" which I delightfully shared in my prior post). We had playdates, swimming pools, camping, birthday parties, house guests, and painting of a room (which the Kid defiantly declared that we "RUINED HIS LIFE!" by changing his room color from Crocodile Dream Green to Honey Bear Yellow).

And then there was the traveling. We started out at a family condo near Dillon, Colorado for some some good 'ol Rocky Mountain high adventuring, then jetted off Maine for daily beach frolicking and sharing in Steve and Lindsey's beautiful wedding, and then wrapped it up with some quality family time at the grandparent's house in Massachusetts.

I started back to work 3 days after we returned from our jet setting. I feel so fortunate in that I made a very wise career move last year by making the brave, long leap from an elementary setting to high school. I never thought that I would use the words "enjoy" and "job" in the same sentence, but now I do frequently and am very happy with where I am at. This is the fist year that I have not dreaded going back to work and even looking forward to the fact that I will stay busy making the wait time likely go by even faster.

So, how much time do we have now to wait, you ask? Hahaha..haha..ha..ha.... good question. I feel the best comparison of waiting for a referral is the game Candy Land. You get so close to that glorious Gum Drop castle that you can almost lick it when you draw that bastard Gingerbread Man card that makes you slide back down that those colorful, gummy squares to the beginning. That is about how it can feel sometimes. This last month started with the dreaded rumors of a much longer wait, then went to giddiness of the thought of a much faster referral due to a brief spurt of infant referrals, and finally back to the message from our adoption case worker to not pop the cork yet because having numerous baby referrals at one time is a fluke and there is an expected likelihood to have more older children referrals in the upcoming months.

So, to get back to that question. We have jumped all over, but have averaged a 9 month wait from start to referral - meaning we are on the 6 month wait (give or take 3 months). For all that it is worth, if the math is correct, we are about #18 for the total number of families with our agency to be matched (give or take a few). These families on this list are open for either gender in ages infancy to young children and even specifically sibling groups. So, if a tiny baby girl becomes eligible for adoption (there are many already orphaned, though this is when there are determined eligible though birth parent relinquishment, etc), the family next on the list - even if they are open for a boy up to 5 year old - they will get the referral. We are more around #9 for an infant girl. Yes, this does seem close when you take in account that there were 6 referrals (that I know about) last month. But then again, if the case worker's predictions are right and there are will be older children referrals ready to go out in the upcoming months, then #18 can seem an eternity! Nobody really knows, therefore it is just a wait and see game. Just hoping we stick to those lollipop and licorice cards!

Three whole days!

For the first time since July of 2004, I am getting a day to myself. And just when I thought it does not get any better than that, I does. I get THREE whole days! Husband took The Kid to Colorado (with SIL and her kid) sans Me. We initially planned this so that I could busily get the house ready to put on the market on the return from our whirlwind 3 week country tour (CO, MA, ME). The plane ticket was bought to meet them in Colorado before we decided to nix the market plans, so darn it, guess I was just stuck in this situation!

Don't get me wrong. I love Husband and The Kid (tremendously - like sometimes it hurts, even) and I do miss them, but at the same time, Husband plows through life at warp speed and The Kid is definitely his father's child, and I am a hard working, full time worker/wife/mom, so I have plans to take full advantage of this "me" time. It's been 6 years (and a really nutty last 6 months) since I have literally had a day to myself, so I was happy to take a moment to fall into my old mellow habits. You see, I flew solo from age 18 to 31. Even though I accomplished a lot of activity during those years, I would occasionally hit the brakes and have a day like I had yesterday.

This is how it played out: I woke up, drank coffee, and read the newspaper and smut magazines (People rocks!) in bed while watching the Today Show. Around 12:00, I decided to saunter downstairs and head directly to the couch (grabbing the chips on the way), and watched a movie. And just when I thought it would not get better than that, it did. I watched THREE! It was those kinds of movies that makes Husband grab his stomach and roll around on the ground like a dying wart hog and The Kid to immediately start debating why Super Why needs to be the much better viewing option. Yesterday I had none of that nonsense. I watched Marie Antoinette, Victoria (as in the Queen), and an artsy Sundance film whose name has slipped my mind. I did all of this in my blissful solitude. Today was much more stressful as I fit in some shopping first, but then quickly returned home so that I could nose dive back into my couch to watch a Woody Allen film (and a sheepish confession that I fit in another artsy flick after that). Alas, tomorrow I will resume my domestic duties in the A.M. for cleaning, but will be rewarding myself by a P.M. massage and pedi.

Honestly, as far as cheap getaways, my "doing absolutely nothing" vacation is rating at the top of my charts right now!

Feelin' groovy

There is a variety of things to learn and love about Ethiopia, but their music is the least expected surprise! No thanks to I-tunes (sorry for the shocking Visa charge, Babe), I have spent far too many hours exploring a multitude of eclectic musical samples. Here's some of my favorites thus far:

Augustas Pablo - If you like dub Reggae - you'll be salivating over this guy!

Gigi - She has an amazing voice. I'm drawn to her Illuminated Audio recording which will coincide nicely with my Zen journey (see next post).

Mulatu Astatke - This is a nice blend of funky electronica jazz. Yes... jazz! Those cool cat Ethiopians have a strong musical history in this genera. Go figure!

Zenfulness

My good friend, Jonah, lent me this book a few weeks ago. I had taken an inopportune time to boo-hoo her my story regarding the fact that just a few hours before our swimming playdate, I had nearly snapped the steering wheel in half, taught The Kid 10 new swear words - all the while my eyes bulged out of socket and head spun around a few times. He had relentlessly questioned me as to why Chucky Cheese has "Cheese" for his last name. This took place during a 100 degree, 30 minute bumper-to-bumper traffic jam. "Oh no, mom, Cheese cannot be a real last name. TELL ME THE TRUTH! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!" Of course, while taking a break from retelling Jonah the story to wipe my snots, I had to also go into how guilty I felt about being that kind of terrible mother that occasionally blows her top. This then carried over to stating every adoption fear known to mankind, the fact that I am getting older by the minute, my negative body image (was wearing a swimsuit during my sobfest... baaaad timing), thinking I can actually feel gray hairs growing out of my head, wrinkles, stained teeth, why does Coke Zero have to taste so good, how do those Peppermint Patty's manage to sneak into my mouth each day, the infamous Utah inversion, who killed the electric car anyway (?), global warming in general, why I can't seem to keep a plant alive, bad people, the economy, death, and blahdy-blahdy-blah (okay, so maybe I only verbalized a few of these thoughts - but surely you are getting the drift as to where my mind was at). She listened like a good friend does and then responded by telling me that I had to get this book from her ASAP. After reading the first few chapters, I found myself on the computer ordering a keeper for myself and even a few extra for friends. This book has invaluable reminders of how to step back from the turmoils of life - rambunctious kid, students who would rather stab me with their pens then write a paragraph (actually, they have attempted), and the trials of adoption - and calming myself by finding that inner peace through reflection. I have tried a few suggestions from the book and am pleased with the results. I think those Buddhists are on to something!

Never any guarantees

Last night I went to bed with such optimism and this morning I woke to dread. I have just had yet another reminder that there is never any guarantees when it comes to international adoption.

When we got our LID (logged in date for referral) back in May, we were quoted 8-10 months until referral. Last night we were revelling in the fact that we already have 2 months behind our belt! They have since taken on a new orphanage, so referrals seemed to be coming faster the last few months, which was getting our hopes up that it would be closer to 8 months - or even sooner. This morning on our WACAP adoption board, rumors are that it will be 12-18 months for an infant girl referral. Oh.... deflation. We will all be another year older. When we started adoption, we thought 1 year, and now it will be closer to 4. My patients are running thin, to state it lightly (because this morning I was stomping around the house wanting to pull every single hair out of my FREAKING HEAD!).

I am now trying to take some deep breaths to prevent a panic attack because I am realizing that this could be just a rumor based off of someone's misinformation. Or, I think there was a bunch of people that got LID after us and maybe that is what they are getting told now. I am forcing myself to look at the golden lining of this news. If it is another year, then we will have more savings, could move into a bigger house by then, and since our travel dates would then have more of a chance of happening over the summer, we could all go to ET (The Kid included) and stay the duration of the adoption process. Now, that is an exciting thought!
Here's the process:
1. Get referral
2. Wait a few weeks for court appointment in ET
3. Travel very shortly after that (1-2 weeks)
4. Have the court appointment where the adoption will become finalized (we will be legal parents)
5. Wait about 5 weeks for paperwork (visas, etc) to be processed. During this time, we would fly back home without her. :(
6. Fly back to pick her up then head back home again. Based on our current budget, I might only be able to fly to pick her up, though Husband and I would both need to go for the court hearing.

Update: Later that day, I did hear that for us they are still estimating the 8-10 month wait for referral, though for the wave of families LID after us (I knew there was a reason to get that paperwork together at lightening speed!), it is 12-14 months. I am keeping this post so that I can look back and remind myself that there are no guarantees and that I should not start to get my hopes up for a speedier referral (like I was this last week - thinking 6 months), but prepare for the longer one (more like 10 months). Ten months would make a referral around March - which would be perfect in that my maternity leave will be over summer break. This is a good thing because then I won't have to go without pay for the leave and I can start back with my .5 schedule the following year.

Ethiopia on my mind!

I would now love to dedicate this post to the reasons why we love the idea of adopting from Ethiopia! Many people have said things such as :

"It is wonderful of you to save a child from those conditions"
or
"God's plan is for you to find your child in Ethiopia"

We don't feel any of these above statements are true. The truth is is that we have sought her and believe that she is "saving" us by completing our family almost more than we are saving her. We have a huge space in our hearts to be filled. We are simply looking to connect with and to love a person.

But I do feel that, in a way (call it fate or whatever), we have turned our "unfortunate" situation of infertility to an opportunity of giving an already born child an extraordinary life; an opportunity that they may not have had otherwise. I quoted unfortunate because I do feel it unfortunate that I've had my ability to be able to choose to get pregnant taken from me at a young age, but at the same time, we have always had a feeling that things are happening for a reason and we have contentment and peace in that we now have no other choice but to adopt. We will now have a "fortunate" for everyone involved.

For most children, being a child in ET is not easy. Double that statement if you are a female.

Here's a few facts (cited from plannedparenthood.org):

Economic Status		Source
Rank of development (2008)	105th out of 109 on UNDP Human Poverty Index	Human Development Report
Per capita income (2008)	$280	World Bank
Population subsisting below $2/day (2007)	Close to 78%	Human Development Report
Population below basic needs poverty line (2006)	38%	CIA: World Factbook
Population subsisting food insecure (2005)	Over 50%	World Bank
Population affected by 2003 drought (2005)	14 million	World Bank
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Reproductive Health		Source
Average births per woman (2008)	5.24	UNFPA
Average number of children, rural areas (2005)	6.4	World Bank
Females giving birth before age 18 (2005)	24%	UNFPA
Females using contraceptives 15-49 (2006)	14.7%	UNFPA
Males using contraceptives 15-49 (2004)	17%	World Bank
Rural population using modern contraceptives (2004)	4%	World Bank
Women approving family planning (2005)	60%	World Bank
Husbands approving family planning (2005)	34%	World Bank
Adults wanting family planning services to space or limit childbearing, if available (2001)	Over 45%	Central Statistical Authority and ORC Macro, in Haile
Women with access to prenatal care, in 2000 (2007)	28%	UNICEF
Births attended by skilled personnel, from 1996-2004 (2007)	6%	UNICEF
Births in health facilities (2005)	5%	World Bank
Deaths during childbirth (2006)	850 per 100,00 live births	World Health Organization
Deaths from pregnancy-related causes (2000)	1 in 14 women	World Health Organization, in Haile
Deaths from pregnancy- and abortion-related causes (2006)	1 in 7 women	Population Action International
Deaths from unsafe abortions (2004)	90 per 100,000 live births	World Health Organization
Percentage of females seeking abortions who are under age 18	Over 50%	PPGG
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Primary Health		Source
Population with use of adequate sanitation facilities (2007)	13%	World Bank
Rural population with use of adequate sanitation facilities, in 2002 (2006)	4%	UNICEF
Population with use of improved drinking water sources, rural (2009)	12%	World Bank
Population with access to public health facilities (2006)	61.3%	USAID
Population more than 10 km (6 miles) from nearest health facility (2006)	Over 50%	World Health Organization
Physicians per 100,000 people (2008)	3	World Health Organization
Population moderately to severely underweight (2009)	33%	UNICEF
Population stunted (2006)	47%	World Health Organization
Population at-risk for malaria (2006)	3.1 million	World Health Organization
Women dying from tuberculosis (2006)	96 per 100,000	World Health Organization
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HIV/AIDS		Source
Country rank of HIV infections in sub-Saharan Africa (2005)	5th	World Bank
Percentage of HIV/AIDS cases in the world (2005)	7%	World Bank
Overall HIV prevalence, adults 15-49, in 2003 (2006)	4.4% of population, or 3 million people	World Health Organization
Adults infected weekly (2006)	5,000	World Health Organization
Age group with highest rate of infection	15-24 years; female prevalence 3 times greater than among males	USAID in PPGG Fact Sheet
Women living with HIV, 15-49, per 1,000 (2009)	770,000	UNAIDS
Mother-to-child HIV transmission	2nd highest number of new infections per year	USAID in PPGG Fact Sheet
Children living with AIDS (2009)	230,000	UNAIDS
Children orphaned by AIDS, estimate (2009)	989,000	UNICEF
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FGM		Source
Women aged 15-49 with FGM (2007)	80%	Population Reference Bureau
Girls undergoing FGM	62%	Population Reference Bureau
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Women's Status		Source
Women marrying before age 18	57%	National Committee of Traditional Practices of Ethiopia
Women experiencing rape, in total population (2007)	25%	World Bank
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Children's Status		Source
Newborns dying before age 1 (2006)	1 in 7.7	UNICEF
Children dying before age 5, often from preventable diseases, from 1995-2000 (2005)	1 in 6	World Bank
Main causes of early childhood deaths (2008)	Diarrhea and pneumonia	World Bank
Orphans, 2003 estimate (2006)	4 million	UNICEF
Children under age 5 stunted from lack of nutrition (2006)	Over 50%	USAID
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Education		Source
Literacy, adults (2009)	43%	US State Department
Literacy, women (2007)	35%	CIA World Factbook
Primary school attendance, females (2006)	55%	Ethiopian Economic Association, in Haile and UNESCO
Primary school attendance, males (2006)	75%	Ethiopian Economic Association, in Haile and UNESCO
High school attendance, females (2006)	25%	Ethiopian Economic Association, in Haile and UNESCO
High school attendance, males (2006)	42%	Ethiopian Economic Association, in Haile and UNESCO