As you might have guessed, this last month has been a whirlwind with continued ups and downs. I am beginning to think that "ups and downs" is the theme of our lives.
Up
We really, truly love our new house. Our good ju-ju instinct continues to not let us down. We have not looked back once on our old house - except when to comment on how much we don't miss the choppiness with stairs at every turn, and my dreadful commute. Our new house has so much room for the Kid to run around and large closets that he can claim as his "forts". I also love that my new commute is on a quieter road that is nestled against the foothills of the Rockies. I get to now marvel at the beauty of those majestic mountains instead of cursing the the 100+ red lights I seemed to hit each day.
The inside of our house needs a face lift, but as our first house project is underway (goodbye kitchen blue tulip wallpaper!), the potential is shining through.
Down
If anyone reads this and might have any control over a future sell/buy of a house, I beg you to follow my advise closely; Do not take on that endeavor 2 weeks before Christmas! Closing on a house in two weeks, packing, moving in snow, getting sick, and doing X-mas preparation all while working 40+ hours is anything but a picnic in the park. I am surprised that I was not carried out in a straight jacket, honestly. I did not take a deep breathe until Dec. 26th.
Up
Somehow I did pull off the Santa gig and the Kid gushed ecstatically over the loot left under the tree. The chest of costumes (that I heard Santa collected at consignment stores for the last several months) and the science experiments were the biggest hits.
Down
Adoption news. There has been a hold on ET adoptions. Bummer. None of the news that we are hearing was new news to me. I learned that this was brewing as I was doing my obsessive research, yet it would have to figure that the shit would have to hit the fan when we are like an inch away from referral. It basically comes downs to this: As doors close with more seasoned countries (China, for example), other doors open wide in newer, more inexperienced countries (Ethiopia, for example). Unfortunately, this also opens the door to predatory agencies. I call them this because they prey on the vulnerable (such as poor, starving families in dire situations) by offering them insensitive ($) to give up their children so that these slime ball agencies can make a nice profit. Hmmm... smells a lot like child trafficking to me. I don't use his word loosely, but here it goes. Bastards! What makes me more crazy than this practice is that it is these few people/situations give a bad wrap to all foreign adoptions and and the goodness of finding loving homes for those children that are legitimately orphaned.
Here's some quotes from our agency from an email that was sent out a few weeks ago to further shed light on the situation:
"In weeks past, we’ve shared that the major authorities governing adoptions from Ethiopia have been meeting to identify the pitfalls, discrepancies in adoption, unethical agencies/orphanages, and ways to limit the activity of certain agencies/orphanages in Ethiopia or possibly completely withdraw licenses. WACAP is always encouraged by these important conversations and see this as a positive step towards ensuring ethical adoptions. "
"At this time, much of what is being reported relates to the concern over unethical behaviors of orphanages and agencies who work in Ethiopia. It has become clear that as the number of children being adopted from Ethiopia has increased, unethical behaviors and distasteful operations have continued to take place. Clear abuses to the current system are now being exposed, which is leaving room for decisions to be made as to how to proceed."
Sadly, this email inspired some very real, un-Christmasy-cheer-like conversations between husband and I. We decided that this is it. We are at the end of our rope. If ET adoptions close, then our journey to our daughter will end. We have been beaten, battered, and bruised in our 4+ years adoption pursuit, and unless anyone has ever been through the process, it is hard to explain what it is like. The best I can describe it is like the feeling that this is going to be the month that your pregnancy test will show a positive, so you pee on the stick and pace with a nervous jitter for 5 minutes. We have been basically in that five minutes for 4 years. It is ridiculous. We are tired and 3.5 years older than we anticipated in bringing home a child. Our hearts would be a little broken forever, but I don't think we would have the energy to start from square one again. These thoughts/conversations definitely brought with it a Christmas downer.
But then....
Up (It sure is nice to end with an "up")
"Stop the rumors!" is what a poster to our WACAP board wrote while currently in ET getting to know her new little daughter. She said she felt no indication at all that adoptions were going to stop (with WACAP) and she even caught wind of some new referrals coming soon. To make a long story short and to fast forward from our downer conversations two weeks ago, we came to find out that yes, these meeting are taking place, but it will not impact our agency and our adoption. I am giving myself MAJOR high fives for picking the right agency, because apparently our agency has been asked to be a part of these meetings because of their high standing reputation for doing things in an ethical manner.
This does not mean that things will be hunky-dory from here on out, because this is international adoption after all, but this did help us relax for a minute. It would be naive to think that anyone should ever trust any agency/process 100% with international adoption, but when it is done right, it is a wonderful thing for both child and family. I have a good instinct with our agency, and as it has been proven time and time again, my instincts do not fail me.
To close this post, I am adding a few more comments from a recent WACAP email.
"Ethics in adoption are an issue that we take extremely seriously. We:
1. Believe that adoption is a last resort and that children should remain in their birth families if possible.
2. Only work with orphanages who work directly with the Ethiopian government for the approval of children in need.
3. Only work with orphanages who have proven records of attempts at family preservation (keeping the child with their family through sponsorship, medical aid and other support).
4. Do not pay staff or partners salaries, fees or bonuses on a “per child” basis.
5. Provide a good deal of humanitarian aid that focuses on ways to prevent the overwhelming need for adoption (sponsorship, kinship programs, apprenticeship programs, medical aid).
In addition, WACAP’s staff in Ethiopia are actively involved in the Ethiopian Network of adoption agencies, and our U.S. staff participate in standards of practice with JCICS, Hague, COA, etc. WACAP cannot control the actions and behaviors of other agencies, but we can direct our process and our work within Ethiopia. As you know, our focus is to serve true orphans. Our commitment is unwavering to the children we serve and to your family."
