Meeting Y for the first time (video)

Our First Meeting

(Click on the words above to get to the video link. In respecting the the privacy of the other children in the video, it was unavoidable to edit out all pictures their faces. We tried to make it blurry and contacted most of the new families of these children and got the thumbs up to post. Enjoy!)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to you all! May this year bring good health and happiness to all of our friends and family. The year 2013 has obviously been the best year for us as a family yet! I could not help but think back to the several years that Xmas was so bitter sweet. We just could not believe that we still did not have our daughter home with us and we knew that the new year meant serious contemplation if we could continue on to another year of waiting for our adoption. We now have to wait no longer! We have her home! We are complete! Bring it on .... each new year! We will now be walking forward, together as a family of 4, with renewed optimism and joy.

Our first holiday season with Y came and went without a hitch. Our little Y embraced all of the traditions and festivities with a zesty gusto! For many adopted children or children that come from a hard place, the holidays can be a time of increased anxiety, but not for Y. She absorbed all of the crazy in stride! A big guy with a red furry coat that flies in the air on a reindeer at night? Ummm... cool! Putting a big tree in your house and hanging toys on it? Ok.....that is silly but fun! Watching dad crawl on his belly on the roof to hang little lights? Really - not sure you guys can get any stranger, but I will go with it because they sure are pretty!

Even though we were reluctant to even start up the concept of Santa, her brother went for it and eventually succeeded in explaining to her that this guy Santa can bring you anything you want. Guess what she decided she could not live without? Sugar and a dolphin car (I have no idea...).  We went to a party where Santa made a surprise visit. Upon his grand entrance through the front door, Y plowed through that swarm of kids and practically swan dived into his arms declaring, "Santa! Sugar! Dolphin Car! Santa! Sugar! Dolphin car!"

Alas, Santa did come through with the sugar request, and to her delight, she was allowed to have a massive candy cane inserted in her mouth for two straight days. You are welcome to stop by my house to see the evidence of this by the sticky red fingerprints on the walls, bedding, light switches, cat, stuffed animals, and appliances. As for the dolphin car? Not so lucky, but luckily, she was transformed when she saw her stash of sugar in the stocking and I doubt that that odd car ever entered her mind again.

Besides sugar, this was an opportunity to give her some nice toys. She had not had many up until this point as we were still figuring out what her preferences were. She is still a little oblivious to them. She does not seem to (yet) have that creative approach to toys and they just sort of perplex her.  We have tried to provide her with things that closely resemble what brother has (toddler remote car, a little race track, etc) as her main priority now in life now, it seems, it to be treated as an equal. If brother has a car in his hand, then she must have a car in hand. This is typical attachment and 3 year old behavior, but unless brother plays them with her - such as their matching cars - then she loses interest quickly. We have toys that resemble real life (like play food), but unless someone is interacting with her in this play, then they also provide limited interest - or they frustrate her because you can't really eat the wooden orange slice.  Regardless, she has some nice things now and I suspect that her creative side and independent play will come to her with time and these toys will be very much enjoyed!

New Years was an experience! We participated in the annual Gaddis New Year's Extravaganza where our one and only hipster Daddy (tee-hee) was a DJ for a wild-n-crazy kid dance floor. It was a little loud and overwhelming for Y, but she was content just sitting back on the sidelines observing the 40+ kids/adults going bonkers. She does this a lot - observe. It is pretty awesome, really. She waits, watches, learns, then jumps right in! When the clock stuck 10:00pm (New Year Eastern time), she completely dug the idea of finding her family members and giving us all multiple hugs and kisses.

I think Y's very most favorite part of the holidays was staying home with "her family" for two whole weeks! She loves saying this 50+ times a day; MY family. MY Mommy, Daddy, Brother. She sings that Barney song, "I love you, you love me...." as she walks around the house.

We love that she is loving us and we are loving her. Love. Love. Love.

We are soaking in the lovefest for now because back in late November I started back to work full time and it was a massive transition for us all. Actually, it was more like throwing us all into a blender and then instantaneously needing  us to sort out our normalcy when the blender stopped. Luckily, she likes her daycare worker ("Auntie") and friends there, but does not like that she is no longer Mommy's daily side-kick. I now work at the district office with longer hours, so this means that we get the kids home at dinner time (10 hour days factoring in commute time). Hubs is coaching 2+ evenings a week. I have yet to even begin how to figure out how to manage getting two tired and hungry kids in the door, make a healthy meal, clean up afterward, do homework, and most importantly - squeeze in much needed 1:1 connection time with our little Y. This has been extremely tough on her resulting in regressive behaviors directed toward me (emotional lashing out by withholding affection, eye contact, kind words, etc) and this is tough for us all. The first few days of our break, Y needed me to hold her all of the time. I seriously thought my arms were going to fall off, but it was needed, so I did it.

Much of this holiday has been about just nesting in our house with a lot of down time. We now have our happy girl back and that is really hopeful that we will conquer in the end, but for now, our two weeks is nearing an end and we are all a little panic stricken. We have been talking to Y about starting back to Auntie's and have some interventions in place to hopefully help ease us back in to this transition. Oh, and my sis made us a freezer full of crock-pot meals to take that burden off (best present EVER!). Wish us luck!

And to end this on a happy note - how can I part without mentioning the newest member of our family? Introducing Ishi!

Ishi translates to "It's all good" in Amharic and I probably butchered the spelling. Santa thought that J was such an awesome big brother that he delivered J's  #1 wish! Honestly, this leopard gecko has always been a firm second on J's want list ... next to sister, of course.

Food and the adopted child

I think it impossible to understand what food means to a child who has not had enough. I had read up on it, viewed some webinars, talked to other adopters regarding potential behaviors, but I totally underestimated the challenges associated with it until I became a parent to a child that has been hungry. To a child whose daily mission her first 3 years of life was finding enough food to eat and then probably still went to bed without a satisfied tummy.

I was shocked ... SHOCKED... with how much food our little one could devour when we first took custody. At one time, Hubs and I thought that is was easily more than both of us consumed on an average day. Her poor little body would tremble at the sight of food with the anxiety of Will I actually get to eat this food? Will they take it away before I finish? Will this be the last of such a glorious meal? When she got a hold of it, she would literally open her throat and cram it down. She would wake during the night and ask for bananas and eggs. Before she was totally roused out of sleep in the morning and after nap, she would start rocking back and forth crying for bananas and eggs. She. Was. Obsessed. If we even walked into the kitchen, she would be right there hanging on a pant leg and crying for food. I honestly don't think she understood the concept of preparing food. She was used to having food just handed to her on the streets or in the orphanage, so the concept of taking 15 minutes to prepare something sent her anxieties through the roof. When she got the food, she had no "off" button and would eat until she gagged. When her plate was empty, she would face plant into the plate and lick it clean. If you even dare try to take her plate with even a crumb left, she would swipe at you with her claws. Seriously - I will never forget this. Thinking she was finished, I reached to clear her bowl. I did not see that a remaining spoonful could be scrapped from the side. The way she quick-as-a-flash grabbed on to my wrist and looked at me with such ferocity, well, the only word that I can use to describe it was primal. It froze me in my tracks - and then it added to my compassion for what she must have faced in her life to lead her to such an instinctual reaction.


In the first few months that we had her, our entire day focused around food. When will we feed her next? What will we give her? How can we prepare food without her loosing it? How do we present it without her pouncing on it like a tiger? Was that portion too big? Too small? How do we describe healthy portions and that "seconds" really just mean one more helping?

Intuitively, we let it be like this at first; our days centering around food. We figured that her body just really needed good healthy food, she needed to learn that food would always be available and that she would not go to bed hungry, and that nobody was taking it from her. Most importantly, we knew that it helped comfort her during a traumatic transition.

After those first few months, however, we questioned the direction we were going with food. She was gaining weight too rapidly (turning from a bitty thing to almost tipping over into the overweight level on the charts) and her food behaviors were becoming frightening. In one of her Oh my God! Someone gave me a banana out of the context of our kitchen table, so I better cram it down my throat before it is taken away! she choked on her banana. One of those scary kinds of Heimlich and then hang the kid upside down with several blows to the back for a minute kind of scary chokes.

We consulted with a specialist and decided the best approach was to just limit her meals to healthy 3 year old portions. When she requested more food in between, always have healthy choices on hand - like an apple or an orange. And just to clarify - An apple. An orange. Not giving her free reign the entire bag of fruit like before.

Eventually her anxieties eased up. We had a bit of a respite while she was on a 21 day oral med for parasites. It zapped her appetite, so I think it actually helped her to see that we were still having mounds of food offered to her even without her asking or even wanting it. And also, when the parasites were cleared up,  it was to be expected that her body would not need to crave and absorb as much nourishment.

 
As I write this now, we are entering a whole new ball game. One day she woke up and realized that there really were choices in the food world and that she does not have to eat everything that is placed in front of her - so now she was only going to pick foods to eat that are the most yummy! Currently these consist of about 6 things -  the top choice being chicken nuggets (I know, so help me. At least I try and buy the most healthy ones), and of course, any and all sweet things that don't stick to her teeth. Above all, she is a stickler for dental hygiene. Go figure.

At dinner, it is still important to us that she be served what all others have and she needs to try a bite. If she does not eat dinner, then she does not get anything else. No, I don't let her starve and I always have a side she likes.  I also offer a bedtime snack and plenty of foods in the daytime that she will eat. I do feel it important, however, to try and avoid being a short order cook and establish some parameters with food from the beginning.

Is she hording food?  This is a very common question to ask with people that have faced hunger. For her, not entirely. The other day she said that she "needed privacy" and shut her bedroom door. Thinking this was suspicious behavior being that she does not normally like us to have our eyes off of her, I entered the room. She had an innocent look on her face, but I saw the little Hershey kiss stashed up her sleeve in such a crafty manner ... the kiss that we said she could not have until after dinner. This could be related to already established behaviors or a typical 3 year old thing to do, but regardless, hoarding will be something we will have to keep our eye on.

Our main priority is to teach her how to have a healthy relationship with food; making good choices, letting her know it is always there, and not always turning to it when feeling stressed and anxious (and no - I don't always have to sneak a piece of dark chocolate after a really tough day at the office. Geesh!).

I cook with her. I show her that it is a process and talk about the good things that we put into food. One of our favorite preps is morning glory muffins. Yummmmm!!

We provide healthy and (mostly) non processed food. We use words like Super power food! and Happy body food! We have little sugar in the house and no soda. She is not denied sugar, rather it is just something to have occasionally  - like on a Friday night, at a party, or a treat from Santa in the Xmas stocking.

 Are we doing the right thing by her with our approach to food? Who knows. We question all routes we take with her in this uncharted territory and step back frequently to assess our direction and reroute, if needed. I recon this will be a lifelong struggle for her. We will do our best to pave this way for her as smoothly as possible.

This is our girl

In 5 months, we have discovered that she......

                                                     Loves to go fast!

                                                       Makes silly faces with mom

                                                  Rides horses - especially Cocoa

                                               Can be outrageous.... anything for a laugh!

                      Is always up for a dip in the tub with her ladybug cap

                                                        
                                   Is a good mommy to her bear named Honey

                 Is a lover tolerant of snow (she just has to figure out how to walk on it first)

                                 Likes being in the mountains with her brother

                                                  Is in training to be an Olympic gymnast

                                     Can seriously rock the colors pink and yellow

                                              Digs playing in the sand with her crew

 

 Is our Sassy Sissy!