The Stuff of The Kid's mouth

Tim's friend, Andy, mentioned yesterday that I should start a blog dedicated to my 4 yr old son and the things he says. He is right. The Kid has the most mind boggling stuff come out of his mouth and I know that I will regret not writing these things down one day. My son's imagination does not lack and I often ponder what is conspiring in his mind. I will not be surprised if he is a writer or an actor one day with his dramatics (and not the "Earth Scientist" that he is determined to be - so that he can go dig up mummies and bring them home to re-bury in our yard).

Here's his most recent noteables:

1) The Kid's music teacher started singing a song (or playing an instrument?). The class was standing around listening when all the sudden, the Kid just dropped to the floor and laid motionless. Looking so authentic, the music teacher ran across the room to his aide. When he got down to Kid's level, Kid opened his eyes, cracked a weak smile, then feebly said, "I just faint when I hear beautiful music".

2) "Mom, when we get "baby sister", will she get food from your boob?" (No - from a bottle). "Oh, sorry, I guess I must have drank it all up."

3) The Kid was looking at pictures of us dancing at our wedding. "Mom, I think that dad must have danced so hard with you at your wedding that he shook you up so bad that my egg cracked in your belly, and then I came out."

4) "Teachers, I won't be kissing any girls (in the class) until I get married." (as in.... have no worries, teachers, I won't be on the prowl just yet. The girls are safe for now.)

5) The Kid and I stopped for ice cream and he asked if we were on a date. I said yes, so he said, "Well then, you look like a princess, smell like a flower, and your are really not THAT fat."

6) Just today we were at the pet store buying two African dwarf frogs. The lady at the counter said, "Are those your frogs?" and Kid responded matter-of fact, "Yes, they are my little sweethearts."

7) After the Kid got a time-out (I think that mischief comes hand-in-hand with his active mind), he came downstairs, looked me directly in the eyes, and said, "Does it make you happy, mom, that you make me so sad? Does it not make you feel bad at all that you hurt my feelings SO much that I even cry when you put me on time-outs?"

8) We revealed his newly painted and decorated room. I had visions of him standing awe struck, hugging us, and crying out exclamations of complete and utter joy. Instead, it played out like this: When we opened the door, his jaw dropped, he stood in shock for about 30 seconds (So far, so good!), then declares, "I hate it! Paint it back! Paint it back! You have RUINED...MY...LIFE!" We then had to tackle him for the next hour as every little 33 pound fiber of his body was determined to get his tooth brush so that he could scrub off the new paint.

9) "Mom, instead of chores (because they are apparently "just too hard" for him to do), I want you to get lots of apples today so that I can eat them, make my teeth loose, pull them out, put them under my pillow, get the money from the Tooth Fairy, so I can go and buy all the cars from Josh. (He is our neighbor that has a good gig going with The Kid by selling him his junky Match Box cars for $1.00 a piece). "But mom, I do have a question. If I do accidentally swallow a tooth when eating an apple, won't it hurt my pipes (intestine) as it goes down my body and then how will YOU get it out of my poop for the Tooth Fairy?"

10) The teacher asked the class if they could name a word that starts with "B". Kid raises his hand and said, "Beer". The teacher then said, "Don't you mean bear" Kid said, "No, beer... the stuff that big people drink."

11) Because life is more nutty than usual, I have been a little absent minded.... to put it kindly. The other day after I had tried in vain to get the key in to open a car that was not ours - and would have probably stood there cursing at the broken lock for hours until the kid corrected me, he said, "Mom, I think when you went to the bathroom, you peed out your brain and then flushed it down the toilet."

11) Here is my favorite! The other day he stopped, leaned against the counter, sighed while putting his hand on his head and looking up to the sky, and said, "Mom, I just LOVE my life". :)