It is looking like it is a pretty consistent time span of 5 weeks between our court hearing and embassy date. The plan has always been for Tim and I to fly to ET for a week for the court hearing where we will officially adopt our daughter. We would then return her to the orphanage (actually the WACAP house, which is sort of like a halfway house between orphanage and home), say our good-byes, then fly back to the states to go on with life for a month. At that time, most likely only I will fly back for the embassy date and to bring our daughter home.
Yes, it sounds crazy, but since ET recently mandated the two trip rule (this is a GOOD thing because as it was before, the adoption was completed without meeting the child and parents were required to to just fly out once to meet their already adopted child, stop by the embassy, then head home) it has been set up this way and parents are already finding it to be not as bad as they thought in regards to leaving their little one(s) behind because they feel they are well taken care of and loved at the WACAP house.
But still......
I keep thinking about this future time when we get to hold this little baby in our arms, falling in love with her, feeling our maternal instincts meter rise rapidly, then laying her down in a little bed beside the care of a nanny that oversees 3-5 other babies, then just fly away. We will come home, go back to work, and carry on for a month like nothing has happened ..... like we didn't just really leave our baby daughter hanging out in one of the most impoverished countries across the globe.
Yuck. But still......
I have my baby here in the states, too. The Kid. Even though I sometimes yearn to have a little break from his energy, the thought of being away from him for 5-6 weeks (or even 5-6 days) wrenches at my gut. Besides, the guest house that we intend to stay at is $60.00/night. That would be an outrageous amount to consider.
The other day after reading some stories of those who have or are anticipating staying in ET for the duration, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Realistically, the price of a 2nd ticket would be as much as the total bill of a month's lodging and I could also start my 3 month maternity leave when we fly off for the court hearing. If I did this, and after our court hearing for adoption, she would be mine. This means that if I am there, I can't just drop her back off at the orphanage at my convenience for a few hours so that I can go and kick it with a cuppa jo and the paper. Nope. She would be officially mine and her and I would be a solo team at the guest house for that 5 weeks until embassy - and when I say "at the guest house", that is literally what I mean. It has been suggested that it is not the wisest idea to just go gallivanting the streets of Addis Ababa with an ET baby strapped to our chest. Because Ethiopians are a strong yet tender people, the thought of adopting out their own is very, very difficult. Being a white privileged female flaunting that I am there to adopt and "save" one of their own can hit a sensitive nerve - and frankly, I feel sensitive to their sensitivity.
I hear that the Guest House is pretty nice, though. There are many other adopting families from around the globe recycling through. There is a nice staff with a nice courtyard to hang out on. There is a driver on call to take me around if need be. It could be a possibility.
Regardless.....
I dismissed it as just a fleeting thought. Ha! Leave my son for that long? Blasphemous! And surely Husband would never agree. In fact, I tucked this thought in the back of my mind for several days until one day I randomly brought it up as a tag-on to another topic while doing dishes. To my surprise, I found Husband halted in his step and looking at me with a jaw dropped expression.
"I think that sounds like a great idea!"
Huh?
We then proceed to bring up the positive points in that this could be like a "bonding boot camp" and it would most likely be an easier transition for our baby as she will still be entwined in the senses of ET (smells, visions, sounds, etc) all the while getting to know me. The point was stressed as how else could I really soak in a culture than living there for a stint and that this could lead to an invaluable experiences to share with our daughter one day. I also derived the thought that, if possible, I could find a nanny and get away for a bit to do a small volunteer opportunity (likey-like this thought!). Husband said that with a little support from the in-laws, he feels completely confident that he can wrangle our little tornado for that long. I told him that I am scared that I don't have the strength to manage a new baby, and on my own, and in such close quarters of the guest house, and on my own, and in a third world country, and on my own, and what if one of us gets sick, and on my own, and I would miss the Kid, and did I make it clear that this would be ON MY OWN?
He then reminded me that once, when I was naive young woman, I backpacked through Europe and then, just over ten years ago, I like lived in one of the most remote places in the world (Papua New Guinea - Peace Corps ) where I survived being chased by a cassowary, mutant sized bugs, mice gnawing their way into my mosquito net at night to snatch the ear plugs that were in my ears to drown out the sound of mice gnawing through my net, a cyclone, and terrifying bush plane crash landing. Even though the events of the last 5 years have rattled my nerves some, he knows that that type of strength is still in there. He's probably right.
So, not sure where this leaves me. I was changing my mind minute to minute and making myself nuts for a while, so instead I have decided to just occasionally stew on it in the upcoming months while continuing to read other experiences and even (hopefully) talking to others who tried this route.
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