Learning to let go

If you have been reading my blog, you might have learned that I am a planner. I like to know how our lives will be in 1, 2, 10 years from now, and to then plan accordingly. This is how my planning has been working out lately...


Plan: We would start the adoption process 4 years ago and have our child home in 12 months.
Reality: Still waiting...


Plan: Had a long term sub waiting on the sidelines this year because I was SURE we would be on the plane getting our sweet child this month.
Reality: We will be "lucky" to be bringing her home in the fall.


Plan: I passed up a good opportunity to move into a school counseling job at my school for this year (which I have a MA in, but jobs are rare) because I did not want my first year to be interrupted with my FMLA leave.
Reality: Looks like there is no FMLA leave to be taken after all. (Damn... would have been a great job!).

Plan: Another factor for sticking with my teaching job this year (a full time Special Education Teacher) is that I intended to switch schedules with my willing co-SpEd teacher's 1/2 time schedule. We have been saving and planning for me to be able to work part time for the next several years while the kids are still young
Reality: Yesterday I got word that they are eliminating the part time position all together in our school (and district), so since I need to bring in some income, it looks like full time is my only option - and now will be doing so with a double load.

And so.... I have needed to adopted a new mantra out of mental necessity:
Don't Plan.
Take it day by day.
Relax.
Good things will come.

I think of ALL of the hours I have wasted with stressful energy and sleepless nights just planning and planning for things that are not even going happen (with exception of the eventual adoption ... *hopefully*)

Adoption is just so stinkin' unpredictable. School district decisions are, too. I can't control it, so I just have to flow with it.