I like to peek at the big adoption board (blogs from 100's of ET adopters) to keep an eye on referral movement with other agencies. I find that headers usually contain lot of caps and exclamation points when families get in the top 10 to be matched ("OMG...we're number TEN!!!"). This means that if you get to 10, you typically have nine families ahead of you to be matched with a child. If you start following their blogs, it will show a pretty fast progression when they reach this number and are matched within the month or two.
Just to give you an idea of where we have been.... we have been in the top 10 for 6 months. We seem to have stalled at #4 for a few. Before that when we were with Taiwan, we "think" we were in the top 10 for 2 years (it was a *secret* where we were, hence giving that agency the boot). When we switched to Ethiopia 12 months ago, we started at around #50. Referrals were coming so fast by last November that we were talking about her every day, pricing plane tickets, buying pink stuff. Around the holidays, things came to a screeching halt.
We have been in this holding cell for a very, very, VERY long time.
Today I took the Kid and his little friend to the zoo. In typical only child fashion, the Kid kept ordering his little friend around and showed little tolerance with doing any other agenda than what he wanted to do.
After we dropped her off, I began discussing his behavior with him, and then brought up "Baby Sister".
Me: "You know, when we get Baby Sister, it will be you and someone else all the time - just like today."
Kid: "UGH! Why do we need to even talk about Baby Sister. We probably won't ever even get her anyway!"
So, there it is. I am again reminded that there is another person in the equation that is effected by this adoption drama. He's a little guy with a big heart. Even though we really don't talk about Sister a lot, after this last winter's ET adoption nightmarish restructuring that led to our decision of a December deadline (no referral = no adoption), we have been prepping him that this might not ever happen for us. Clearly by his emotional reaction today, he is feeling loss simply by the idea.
We agreed not to talk about it again unless he wants to bring it up. I know this is what he needs, even though I feel the urge to keep talking about it - simply to keep this worn down, beaten up adoption dream alive. Who would have ever guessed that being so close to our dream could make us feel closer to losing it? Sad.
4 comments:
Awww, so sad! I'm so sorry for your lack of movement. It makes me feel so FRUSTRATED for you. Has your agency said anything about this hault? It just doesn't seem to make sense with so many other agencies moving right along. So wierd!!! Well if you ever need to vent, please feel free: bringourangelhome@gmail.com
Gee willickers- in the top ten on the list for six months? Wow. Good for me to remember, though, as I was starting to get hyped up about how close we must be on the list (we're early september waiters so you have a few months on us)
I have a friend who was number one on her agency's girl list for six months. Six months at the top! It was pretty crazy, but eventually her phone rang. She has an amazing daughter now. The rest is history.
Adoption is nuts! :)
I'm so sorry. This is so hard. I don't know if you know me, but I have followed your blog a bit. This whole process is sometimes unbearably hard, and I have seen so much pain and uncertainty in so many women in the last 3 years I can hardly stand it. Some people have really easy "lucky" stories. Others have stories hard to even comprehend. I wish I had words of wisdom. I don't. But I'll send out good thoughts for you.
Found your blog when you posted on "from a pebble to a stone" blog. We were with the Nepal program when our world came crashing down on Aug. 6, 2010. We started our adoption journey in Jan. 2008. We had a failed adoption before Nepal. We are now waiting for a referral from China. My son is older than yours, but here are some of the things he says to me. "Are we really going to adopt?" "So did we get more bad news about adoption" This journey has been so hard on me, but it has also been alot for our whole family to process. We too have been saying for 3 1/2 years we are adopting, but my nine year old has serious doubts.
Adding you to my list of blogs I follow. Feel very drawn to those who have gone through so much more than they ever thought they would when they said they wanted to add to their family through adoption. Reading others blogs keeps me sane. Thanks for being real.
Post a Comment