Out there, there are over 10 million orphans needing a family. Right here, there is 1 family that has been exhaustively waiting for over four years to bring one of those sweet children home to raise in our love. Why does it have to be so hard??
We (leaning more toward "me") have been questioning lately if we should even continue. We are older. And, we are older. Sucks. So much time has passed and there is no end in sight. All of this mixed in with a few little health glitches lately (not serious, just most likely related to our aging, rusting bodies) have spooked us a bit with continuing.
I have been doing a lot of stomping around with my little tantrums the last few weeks. "If all had gone as planned, we would have been sending our little one to nursery 3's this year instead of waiting to get a baby nursery ready!" Like this is really doing a hell of a lot of good.
HOWEVER... our mantra lately has been that this little bump in the road is too little to create a permanent road block. We are fighting to resist our insecurities daily because we know that if we call it quits now, we will go against our hearts and alter all three (four) of our life courses forever. Sure, we have our little comfort zone now and could be okay, but envisioning a future without "her" just seems so sad! We also have to tell ourselves that 40 is the AVERAGE age in international adoption. Like us, many others have had a very difficult path to building their families - hence the later age. I know that many 40+ and even 50+ women bring home their babes, despite similar fears, and are head-over-heals with their new additions.
4 comments:
I'm so sorry. Waiting is so SO so hard....and its only 17 months for us (never thought I would put "only" in front of that, haha...but in comparison...) so I can't even IMAGINE 4 years. SOMEtimes closed doors can be God's way of saying "no" or even "not now"...but you are only going to find out through prayer. Hopefully you will find peace in either the decision to continue to pursue this adoption or to put it behind you. With that being said, (and without knowing you all that well) I think ANYONE who would invest 4 YEARS into getting their child home would DEFINATELY make an amazing parent. That takes determination and a lot of love - you've DEFINATELY got what it takes!
You must feel weary after four years... It's been over two for us, if I count the paperwork, and I wrestle at times with feeling we are just getting too old now. (I just turned 43 and my husband is 40.) Some of my friends have kids going off to college and here we are just getting started!
At the same time, age is relative, and who says everyone has to follow the same formula? It can be hard when people around you aren't supportive and excited. But I believe if you do what your heart tells you, there will be greater peace on the other end.
You still have ALL of our support Jen. I can only pretend to know how frustrating the wait is, but it will all be worth it in the end.
Screw all them who have gotten bored and given up on their support for your family.
Besides that, you're not old. If youre old, that makes me almost old and I refuse. ;)
Love and hugs, Meg
I take great pride when I mention to people what you and Tim are trying to do on the adoption front. You will always have the Jensen side cheering you on.
Just remember I am over 64 now and I would very happy to have another grandchild. You will always have our support and love.
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