Just trying to keep my sh*t together.

So.... Friday we get this email from WACAP (sent to all families). It stated that there are several children in their new orphanage (in the north) that are almost paperwork ready. They said that even WACAP support staff are there offering to help expedite things, and that every day they go into work thinking, "Today is the day that we can call our families with referrals!". Then, today I get an email only saying, "It looks like this is almost the time!" ..... and included some attachment paperwork stuff that we better update so that everything will be in perfect order when we go.

(And that paperwork stuff really is just minor in the realm of adoption paperwork, but still requires more essays, confessing your sins, fingerprinting, medical probes, and hiring a notary to ride around with you to do all of this. At this point ... being that this is the FORTH time we have had to do this exact updating .... I would really opt to take a bite out of a piece of crap if the choice were presented, but anyhoo....)

Surely WACAP would not be bluffing us, would they? Because unless they are just stupid, they must know that there are probably 100+ people that would jump on a plane, kick down the WACAP door, and then do some serious pillaging - which would include tar and feathering.

There are a few differences with these emails that gives me hope that they are not entirely stupid. First of all, they have never publicly announced that there are children almost ready for referral, so I can't help but think that this is the real deal. When my caseworker has given me indication directly on the phone in the past, I think she does this in desperation after an hour of trying to steer me away from stepping off a cliff.

Second, when I have heard that there are children almost ready for referral, they were in the southern part of ET. Being that these poor children in the south were highly susceptible of not being legit orphans, the paperwork had to filter down through mounds of red tape, so we always knew that it might not work out. And it didn't. For some reason, adoptions are going strong in the north and many agencies are well back up to speed with their adoptions in this region.

Now, every logical fiber in my body is telling me to pull the reigns. Sloooow down, Nelly! "The last little bit of paperwork" in adoption language could really interpret, "The last little bit of paperwork that will only take FOUR MONTHS to complete!"

But... I have this week off for spring break, and believe it or not, I actually WISH I were working to just keep my mind off of it all.That whole philosophy I thought I had taken on of being calm, cool, and relaxed while putting those emotions up on a shelf went out the window the minute I opened that email from WACAP. I am so full of anxiety and nerves, I fear I might just crawl out of my skin at any minute. When I open the WACAP boards and emails from WACAP friends, they are so full of optimism and excitement that I can't help but spontaneously start doing jump splits in the air. Thank God for a long hallway so I can spend the day pacing up and down, then stop to check my email, then pace, then check, pace, check, pace, check, then go to my Zumba class down the street where I can shake it real hard. Shake it reeeal hard, baby. Oh, yeah. Just sweat out all of that pent up CRAZY!

And then the Kid's homework yesterday was to read a book about and write a page on having a baby brother/sister, and what you would do to help out. The Kid wrote, "If I get my sister from Ethiopia, I will milk her, teach her English, and love her." It was all I could do to get him through this assignment, calmly walk away to my room, and then scream into my pillow.

I thank my lucky stars for Tina. She is firmly #1 on the referral list and has been my rock (next to Husband) through this. She lives near me, so lately we have been meeting up to lament over our woes, have a drink, go for brisk walks, and more often than not - do all three at the same time.

So, what happens if this is just emotional set-up #57 and the ET government decides to whip out another unthinkable road block before the last piece of these children's paperwork gets processed? Well, luckily, I have learned how to get back to that more "Zenful" place and feel confident I will get there again.... eventually. Following through with the the "Plan B" of Disneyland will help - then using our adoption money (because we would stop at that point) to buy a sledge hammer to knock down some walls then then tear down the 70's stone fire place with my bare fingers might be therapeutic, too.

AAAUUUGGGHHH... please send good, positive vibes out there for us. I have written 87 posts on this blog full of ups and downs that include heartbreaks, hopes, fears, excitement, and frustration. For the sake of all involved, I really, REALLY hope that post number 88 will be the best one yet!