I was informed today that I have kept many hanging without updating my blog upon our return. I have had the best of intentions, but as we are trying to get our bearings on this new life of ours, time alone to type my thoughts has been of the essence.
Here's the skinny.... it has been SO much better than we expected! Yay! Hooray! Three cheers for AWESOME!
I am not going to lie. Our time with her in Addis this last trip was pure hell. I sugar coated it in my posts, yes I did. I did not want to lure people into the complete panic mode that Husband and I were feeling every second of every minute of every grueling 15 days. You know it is bad when one starts to wonder just how much jail time we would actually serve if we were just to return her to the orphanage and jump ship, never looking back, and that if we got a sentence of under 10 years .... it might just be worth it. Of course we would not have, and truthfully these thoughts only ran through my head (dared not ask what Husband was thinking), but when you even think of doing something like abandoning a scared little child, then you know you have hit rock bottom.
But then somewhere in the span of the 12 hour delay in Dubai (after a flight that seriously should have had made an emergency landing to boot us and our hysterical kid off - details to come in a future post), something clicked within Y's head. I think she figured out that these pink people were the real deal, so why fight it? Or maybe it was our karma shinning down on us. I mean - anyone that knows our story knows that we have had to endure a lot of a lot to get our family, and we try to do good unto others, so maybe this was our payback? A child who has embraced our love and the gift of letting us embrace hers? Nice thought, anyhow.
And there it is. From that day forward, it has been 1 step back and 300 steps forward.
She was the golden child for the remaining 22 hours of travel. Thank God, because those 22 hours involved a plethora of goodies such as a stomach virus, rude flight attendants, a terrorist treat, and the desperate search for Tums (again, future post).
We have now been home for 2.5 weeks and this little firecracker has just hit the ground running with our family. She has firmly attached to me, coming along nicely still with Husband, and is becoming more tolerant and loving of her brother as the days pass. She really just seems HAPPY to be here with us. Each morning I wake to her leaning over my face with a big smile and an expression like Oh my gosh! That lady I am now calling mommy is still here! She really and truly is! She averages only one mini tantrum a day - lasting no longer than 3 minutes. She sleeps like a dream, naps, and eats about all that is edible. Yes, she can be a bossy grump, but makes up for it in her cleaning skills, which she would take doing over any toy! Starting two days ago, she let me start leaving her with Husband for a short grocery run. That right there is worth more to me these days than a $1,000 bucks. She even participated in a Little Gym class! Granted, she looked through the glass every minute to check I was still there (which is a good thing - establishing trust), but despite not knowing English fully, she is a keen observer and did all that was asked from her teacher while participating with her group for a full hour!
The resiliency that this little one has to pull from to adapt this well to her new environment is outstanding, really. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and it probably will. Maybe. Little hurts from her past make themselves known here and there, so we will watch and wait and step in to help with the healing when needed. There also must be some grief in there somewhere of her losses and I do hope that she lets that out eventually.
In truth, this little one feels the perfect fit for our family and we think we might have won the jackpot.
I have many topics swimming through my head that I intend to include in future posts. These include:
1. Ethiopia. Addis to Dubai. Our experience. The hard-core truth.
2. Food and what that means to a child who has never had enough.
3. Dubai to San Fransisco. Mom's flight from hell.
4. Bonding - it's a two way street.
5. How to parent a 3 year old survivor.
6. Poop. And a smell that can peal the paint from walls. And what this means.
7. A little girl and her brother.
8. Stuff and what our daughter has already taught us about it.
9. Ethiopian food - who knew?
10. Attachment parenting and the path we choose to take... and that has made all the difference.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
HOME AT LAST!
Just realizing today that many of you don't get my Facebook updates, so wanted to just drop a quick note to share that we have been home now for 4 days! For those of you who have brought home children, you know that we are currently in the trenches of insanity, so I will post more details later. I can share now, however, that it has been a 2 steps forward/1 step back process in transitioning this little firecracker into our family, but overall, things have been going better than expected! This little spunky girl truely feels that she belongs in our family. When I get my head on straight and a little more time alone to work through my thoughts (and download some pictures), I look forward to sharing more about our new little habesha daughter and sister!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Here in Addis with Y!
Hey friends and family! Just wanted to let you all know that I arrived safe and sound in Addis 3 days ago and have had Y with me for two of them. All I can say now to all of those that have been through this first 48 hours... I get it.
The things that make Y such an awesome little person with attributes that will serve her well in the future is causing an intensely wild ride between the two of us being tucked away in a guest house together. And we don't speak the same language (though have been getting pretty good at my Tingrania!). And she is a strong-willed 3 year old that has had to be used to fending for herself. Need I say more? It was also surprising very difficult for her not to have Husband with me, as in her eyes, we are her unit. This has been the most confusing. She is still looking for him all day and if a car pulls up and beeps it's horn, she goes, "Eh? Daddy?" She carries our family book around with her all day and look at pictures of us (mostly him) like 3,000 times.
Realizing that I am not superwoman to help her through this confusion and all other things challenging that are sprinkled in, we have had Husband bump up his flight and he will now be here in three days. Whew! I am so fortunate to have some wonderful other people here going through the same thing, so we are being a good support team for each other in the meantime.
This silver lining to CRAZY is that the attachment seems to be going pretty well and she was very ready to go with "Mommy Yo" (my mommy) the second I pulled into the orphanage. :) And when she is being hard, she flashes a smile that melts a heart and revitalizes my spirit.
Please, everyone throw out your best wishes and prayers that we will have our embassy paperwork completed by the 4th of August. There is a good chance, but if not, it appears all flights are booked out of Addis for MONTH of August, so we would have to show up daily for stand-bye tickets - and frankly that would be the pits!
The things that make Y such an awesome little person with attributes that will serve her well in the future is causing an intensely wild ride between the two of us being tucked away in a guest house together. And we don't speak the same language (though have been getting pretty good at my Tingrania!). And she is a strong-willed 3 year old that has had to be used to fending for herself. Need I say more? It was also surprising very difficult for her not to have Husband with me, as in her eyes, we are her unit. This has been the most confusing. She is still looking for him all day and if a car pulls up and beeps it's horn, she goes, "Eh? Daddy?" She carries our family book around with her all day and look at pictures of us (mostly him) like 3,000 times.
Realizing that I am not superwoman to help her through this confusion and all other things challenging that are sprinkled in, we have had Husband bump up his flight and he will now be here in three days. Whew! I am so fortunate to have some wonderful other people here going through the same thing, so we are being a good support team for each other in the meantime.
This silver lining to CRAZY is that the attachment seems to be going pretty well and she was very ready to go with "Mommy Yo" (my mommy) the second I pulled into the orphanage. :) And when she is being hard, she flashes a smile that melts a heart and revitalizes my spirit.
Please, everyone throw out your best wishes and prayers that we will have our embassy paperwork completed by the 4th of August. There is a good chance, but if not, it appears all flights are booked out of Addis for MONTH of August, so we would have to show up daily for stand-bye tickets - and frankly that would be the pits!
Saturday, June 22, 2013
I know, she really is the cutest little 3 yr old EVER!
A sneak peek at her goofy and charming personality! We could just gobble her up. The first day, she was a little hesitant and shy, but by day four, she was totally digging us. Our hearts were going pitter-patter for her. She seems curious, playful, inquisitive, assertive (textbook 3 yr old behavior), and had that entire orphanage wrapped around her tiny 3 year old finger. She also has her dad wrapped around it, too. We heard that when she flew down to her new WACAP orphanage, there were a bunch of Italians on the plane that kept saying "Bella! Bella!" I can totally believe that.
And why did your daughter not get to fly home with you?
I know it seems nuts. You meet your soon-to-be daughter, you play together, you giggle, you hold her little hand in yours, you let her sit on your lap and get to squeeze her little tummy, you gaze at her sweet curls, you start to get little pecks on the cheek, your hearts start to merge heart-to-heart, and she starts telling her nannies that she is going up in the sky in a plane with her mommy and papa. After 4 days of this, you go to court and the judge announces that she is now your daughter....... and then you leave her there and fly off half way around the world. She is flown to a new "transitional orphanage" (a temporary orphanage provided by our agency in the interim of court and embassy) with a new nanny and is set up in her new home without you. She is there with new nannies caring for her without you. She will start to establish new relationships, norms, routines, all without you.
We are now here. She is now there. Was that whole experience last week real? Was is just a beautifully nutty dream? That is sure is what I am wondering. Betting Y is, too.
Sounds messed up? You bet it is! It is unnatural. It is torturous. It goes against that primal, maternal instinct. And for lack of better words.... it just sucks.
But, it is how it is and this is why. The US Embassy and the Ethiopian High Court has this screwy system worked out where the Ethiopian Embassy determines that the child is legally orphaned, you are considered appropriate parents to adopt that orphan, you get to go and meet your child, the courts let you legally adopt her, AND THEN the US Embassy decides to do their investigation of the case to make sure they feel the adoption was on the up-and-up (aka ethical, moral, no buying of children, no potential unrealistic and deceitful promises to birth families).
And this can't be completed before the child is considered adoptable and then actually adopted? The investigation of the US Embassy is a very important step, don't get me wrong, but before people. DO IT BEFORE THE ADOPTION TAKES PLACE, people. The ironic thing is that the US Embassy can't void your adoption if they think if smells fishy. That can't keep you from you child forever, but they can sure as hell make it extremely difficult to get your child a visa to bring them home. Luckily, not issuing a visa is an extremely rare thing to happen, so the Embassy process should take just about 4-8 weeks after court.
Are we worried that the embassy will find a glitch? No. We were extremely fortunate to have had the opportunity to not only meet the birth mother, but spend the entire day with her. The details of that day and her story will be locked away for Y one day, but I can say that I feel very at peace with the situation. We talked clearly with the mother about the adoption, what this meant, and what the future holds. We feel at peace with how this adoption came to be. At the end of the day, this mother and I sat side by side, arm in arm. She told the translator that she is happy that we will be Y's parents. That was an insanely emotional experience - and that is an understatement.
Flying back, I could not imagine that I would do anything other than step off that plane and book another ticket to get right back on that same plane to get back to Y. But then reality hits. I have a son here that also needs me. We have to factor in that the guesthouse that we would be staying is isolated and very expensive, drivers are expensive, getting nasty little tummy bugs is oh-so-easy. Trying to venture out to find food to feed myself and Y sounds daunting. Would taking custody of Y then cooping us up in a tiny little room of a guesthouse really be the best things for 4-8 weeks? Probably not. That little 3 year old would probably be mortified and want to un-adopt me, as I would be a grouchy claustrophobic mommy that really liked to sit on the loo almost all the time.
Sooooooo, here's the plan. I, as in only me, will be flying back on July 20th to take custody of Y. I hope to only be there 1-3 weeks. The two of us will then honker down in our guesthouse, start our bondingfest, and try to get that embassy paperwork expedited. Our return ticket is for August 4th, though am hoping I can get things squared away and move the tickets up sooner.
We were going to have the entire family go back, but decided against it. As beautiful as Ethiopia was, it was hard. A little harder than I think J could cope with right now. I would give him one day to forget and accidentally put his toothbrush under the faucet, or start whining that he can't actually see the monkey that is supposed to be in the tree, or complain that there are only Ethiopian soap operas and cheap budget horror films on TV (really he would be whining that I would not let him watch a mutant vulturepuppet bird gouging out eyes out of a styrofoam human head), or he'd get sick of eating only injera - which would be all I would allow him to eat as I swear it only takes looking at other food to get a parasite.
As for Husband goes, thinking that I might potentially be there for 3 weeks, we thought it best that he stay back with J and pick up the slack when I return with Y completely beaten down from that beastly 40 hour flight. Another reality is the price of those plane tickets. This was a totally unexpected blow (peak travel season, increase fuel cost, last minute purchases) and we felt that it is worth just having me give it a shot. If I get there, however, and it is too hard, he will be jumping on a plane ASAP.
We feel so fortunate to have a met group of fabulous adopters there in Addis/Mekelle. One woman, in particular, was my email buddy for months before we met in Mekelle. I knew I loved her though email and was totally smitten with her (and her husband) when we met. Her family, along with two other couples, are all flying back over the same time. We are all staying at the same guesthouse with their adopted children (friends from the same orphanage) and we will all be going through the same process together - while supporting each other along the way. We had good mojo and this is priceless folks. Seriously!
As always, I will be keeping you all posted, but imagine blog to be a little slow before the crazy begins again in a month!
We are now here. She is now there. Was that whole experience last week real? Was is just a beautifully nutty dream? That is sure is what I am wondering. Betting Y is, too.
Sounds messed up? You bet it is! It is unnatural. It is torturous. It goes against that primal, maternal instinct. And for lack of better words.... it just sucks.
But, it is how it is and this is why. The US Embassy and the Ethiopian High Court has this screwy system worked out where the Ethiopian Embassy determines that the child is legally orphaned, you are considered appropriate parents to adopt that orphan, you get to go and meet your child, the courts let you legally adopt her, AND THEN the US Embassy decides to do their investigation of the case to make sure they feel the adoption was on the up-and-up (aka ethical, moral, no buying of children, no potential unrealistic and deceitful promises to birth families).
And this can't be completed before the child is considered adoptable and then actually adopted? The investigation of the US Embassy is a very important step, don't get me wrong, but before people. DO IT BEFORE THE ADOPTION TAKES PLACE, people. The ironic thing is that the US Embassy can't void your adoption if they think if smells fishy. That can't keep you from you child forever, but they can sure as hell make it extremely difficult to get your child a visa to bring them home. Luckily, not issuing a visa is an extremely rare thing to happen, so the Embassy process should take just about 4-8 weeks after court.
Are we worried that the embassy will find a glitch? No. We were extremely fortunate to have had the opportunity to not only meet the birth mother, but spend the entire day with her. The details of that day and her story will be locked away for Y one day, but I can say that I feel very at peace with the situation. We talked clearly with the mother about the adoption, what this meant, and what the future holds. We feel at peace with how this adoption came to be. At the end of the day, this mother and I sat side by side, arm in arm. She told the translator that she is happy that we will be Y's parents. That was an insanely emotional experience - and that is an understatement.
Flying back, I could not imagine that I would do anything other than step off that plane and book another ticket to get right back on that same plane to get back to Y. But then reality hits. I have a son here that also needs me. We have to factor in that the guesthouse that we would be staying is isolated and very expensive, drivers are expensive, getting nasty little tummy bugs is oh-so-easy. Trying to venture out to find food to feed myself and Y sounds daunting. Would taking custody of Y then cooping us up in a tiny little room of a guesthouse really be the best things for 4-8 weeks? Probably not. That little 3 year old would probably be mortified and want to un-adopt me, as I would be a grouchy claustrophobic mommy that really liked to sit on the loo almost all the time.
Sooooooo, here's the plan. I, as in only me, will be flying back on July 20th to take custody of Y. I hope to only be there 1-3 weeks. The two of us will then honker down in our guesthouse, start our bondingfest, and try to get that embassy paperwork expedited. Our return ticket is for August 4th, though am hoping I can get things squared away and move the tickets up sooner.
We were going to have the entire family go back, but decided against it. As beautiful as Ethiopia was, it was hard. A little harder than I think J could cope with right now. I would give him one day to forget and accidentally put his toothbrush under the faucet, or start whining that he can't actually see the monkey that is supposed to be in the tree, or complain that there are only Ethiopian soap operas and cheap budget horror films on TV (really he would be whining that I would not let him watch a mutant vulture
As for Husband goes, thinking that I might potentially be there for 3 weeks, we thought it best that he stay back with J and pick up the slack when I return with Y completely beaten down from that beastly 40 hour flight. Another reality is the price of those plane tickets. This was a totally unexpected blow (peak travel season, increase fuel cost, last minute purchases) and we felt that it is worth just having me give it a shot. If I get there, however, and it is too hard, he will be jumping on a plane ASAP.
We feel so fortunate to have a met group of fabulous adopters there in Addis/Mekelle. One woman, in particular, was my email buddy for months before we met in Mekelle. I knew I loved her though email and was totally smitten with her (and her husband) when we met. Her family, along with two other couples, are all flying back over the same time. We are all staying at the same guesthouse with their adopted children (friends from the same orphanage) and we will all be going through the same process together - while supporting each other along the way. We had good mojo and this is priceless folks. Seriously!
As always, I will be keeping you all posted, but imagine blog to be a little slow before the crazy begins again in a month!
Friday, June 14, 2013
Introducing our daughter....
Today we passed Ethiopian Court! She is now ours and we are now hers. We are family. Introducing our daughter, "Y".
 |
| Above is her referral picture. Our hearts skipped a beat. |
More to come on this amazing little girl that has already captured our hearts.
Friday, May 31, 2013
We got us a court date!
We are in hyper-insanity mode right now as we are frantically making plans, but wanted to take a quick break to share the news!
All has been going accordingly with the courts this week - which means that she has been officially made a ward of the state, or a recognizable orphan, or whatever they call it. Today we got word that our court date is on June 14th! We hope to be leaving on the 7th or 8th. Husband and Travel Agent are madly looking at all ticket scenarios (that won't break the bank) as I type this.
**UPDATE: Most tickets were sold out, or were a million dollars, but managed to get one on the 6th that did not totally bust us. It is a direct flight from DC .... meaning we will be in the air for 13 hours straight! This thought puts me in hyper-freak mode.
**UPDATE: Most tickets were sold out, or were a million dollars, but managed to get one on the 6th that did not totally bust us. It is a direct flight from DC .... meaning we will be in the air for 13 hours straight! This thought puts me in hyper-freak mode.
Holy cow - this is really happening!
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